A Coach Who Tells It Like It Really Is--Dull

Terry Boers of the Chicago Sun-Times, after covering the Big Ten kickoff luncheon, rated George Perles of Michigan State as the most quotable of the coaches, followed by Bo Schembechler of Michigan and Don Morton of Wisconsin.

At the other end, he had a three-way tie for last among Fred Akers of Purdue, John Gutekunst of Minnesota and Bill Mallory of Indiana.

Of Akers, he said: “He began by saying he didn’t have anything ‘earth-shattering’ to say and then went about proving it. I have a feeling Akers would be more comfortable if he were back coaching at Texas. Another guess is that when Akers was in Texas, they never had to send the steers to the slaughterhouse. He just bored them to death.”

Add Boers: Of Jerry Reinsdorf, the owner who fired Tony La Russa as manager of the Chicago White Sox and Doug Collins as coach of the Chicago Bulls, he said: “If Reinsdorf had run his real estate business the same way he has run the Sox and Bulls, he wouldn’t be able to afford to open a lemonade stand.”

On the spot: According to Danny Sheridan, CNN oddsmaker, the NFL coach most likely to get fired this year is Joe Walton of the New York Jets. Walton is 5-1, followed by Marion Campbell of the Atlanta Falcons at 7-1. Then come Jerry Glanville of the Houston Oilers at 10-1, Raymond Berry of the New England Patriots at 12-1, and Mike Shanahan of the Raiders and Gene Stallings of the Phoenix Cardinals both at 13-1.

Add coaches: Said former Raider coach John Madden of the pressure: “The year we won the Super Bowl, I got off the plane back in Oakland and the first thing I heard was a fan hollering, ‘We going to win it again next year?’

“Hell, we hadn’t even celebrated that one yet.”

Trivia time: Jack Craig of the Boston Globe asks this one: “There have been 11 announcers on Monday Night Football. How many can you name?”

Lefty speaks: The best catcher in baseball? Retired pitcher Steve Carlton votes for the Kansas City Royals’ Bob Boone, the man who succeeded Tim McCarver as Carlton’s battery-mate on the Philadelphia Phillies.

Carlton told the Philadelphia Inquirer: “Boonie does not miss a trick. The teams I’ve been with in the American League, all they talk about, ‘Geez, I’d love to pitch to Boonie.’

“He’s the best at this game right now in catching and setting up hitters. He’s unmerciful the way he sets them up. He buries them, just the way Timmy did.”

Leaky ship: Outfielder Andy Van Slyke of the Pittsburgh Pirates, on the team’s defense, which ranks last in the National League: “They had better defense at Pearl Harbor.”

Now-it-can-be-told Dept.: Said Manager Whitey Herzog of the St. Louis Cardinals, when asked how he managed to deal with temperamental pitcher Joaquin Andujar: “It was no problem. I didn’t talk to him on days when he was mad, and he was mad all year long.”

Trivia answer: Keith Jackson, Howard Cosell, Don Meredith, Frank Gifford, Alex Karras, Fred Williamson, Fran Tarkenton, Al Michaels, O.J. Simpson, Joe Namath and Dan Dierdorf.

Quotebook: Bob Hope, still a golf enthusiast at 86: “I’m waiting for the Senile Skins Game.”