UCLA Gets Lost and Confused on I-Way : The Colleges

Losing State University (1-4) remained locked in misstep.

But the shocker was UCLA’s 35-point loss to . . . Nebraska? Oklahoma? No, Arizona. The explanation? The Mildcats switched to the I formation, which a few hundred other schools have used over the years. Although Arizona still fielded the usual 11 players on offense, the Bruins were so befuddled that they came away with Comedown of the Week honors.

No. 2 UCLA fell into a tie with Southeastern Massachusetts, which helped Fitchburg (Mass.) State end the nation’s longest losing streak (34 games). Fitchburg Coach Dave Secino, who runs a tailoring business on the side, obviously made some alterations for the game.

So you figured that because winless Ohio U. was playing winless Miami (Ohio) that someone would come away with a victory, right? Final score: 22-22. At least, they won’t be tie-less this year. THE RANKINGS

Team, Record Last Loss 1. LSU (1-4) 6-10, Auburn 2. (Tie) SMU (0-6) 7-33, Fitchburg UCLA (3-3) 7-42, Arizona 4. Georgia (2-3) 13-17, Miss. Vandy 5. Mich. St. (2-3) 7-10, Michigan Illinois 6. Syracuse (2-3) 12-34, Penn. St. Rutgers 7. Clemson (2-2)* 14-30, Ga. Tech N.C. St. 8. USC (0-6)** Def. Cal, 31-15 Notre Dame 9. (Tie) Ohio (0-6-1) Tied Miami, 22-22 Kent St. Miami (O) (0-5-1) Tied Ohio, 22-22 Toledo

11.-13. Mildcats (Arizona, Kansas State, Kentucky) (7-9); 14. Washington (3-3); 15. Florida (two players declared ineligible for betting on football games); 16. Washington State fans (58 arrested for drunkenness and vandalism); 17. Pacific U. (suspended player who jumped off sidelines to tackle Linfield, Ore., College player running for a touchdown); 18. Alexei Medvedev (fired as coach of Soviet national weightlifting team after one lifter defected); 19. How Am I Ranking? (Phone 1-800-BUM-TEAM); 20. Colorado punter Tom Rouen’s 0.0 average vs. Iowa State (no punts attempted).

*League record; Clemson all but eliminated from ACC race. **Record vs. Notre Dame over last 6 years. ROUT OF THE WEEK: Notre Dame over USC (Troy Coach Larry Smith: “If we have that number of penalties (that the Trojans had against Cal), we’ll get killed, 90-0. This Notre Dame team may be the best in 20 years.”)

COMEDOWN OF THE WEEK: UCLA, rated even with Arizona by oddsmakers, lost by 35.

RELEASED EARLY FOR OSCAR CONSIDERATION: “A Great Finish to a Good Beginning” ($19.95), the latest sports video to hit the market, is a 60-minute film made by Kansas State that covers one of the rarest events in sports, a Kansas State football victory (over North Texas).

The Pros The Packers just couldn’t do anything right. First, there was Green Bay, reviving memories of great Bays of old by tumbling to the Minnesota Herschels, 14-26.

Then, there was the investigation by a Colorado forensic scientist that reaffirmed a jury’s verdict of more than a century ago--that mountain man Alferd Packer did, indeed, kill and eat five fellow miners on an expedition near Denver.

Green Bay, always hungry for victories, had Alferd in mind when it adopted “Packers” as a nickname.

After the examination of Packer’s victims, they were re-buried in the Meadowlands in an unused portion of the Giants Stadium end zone.

THE RANKINGS PACKER CONFERENCE

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Green Bay (3-3) 14-26, Herschel Miami 2. Alferd (0-5) Lost Appeal Idle

TRUMP CONFERENCE

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. N.J. Jets (1-5) 14-29, N.O. Buffalo 2. Dow Jones Lost 190 Bears or Bulls

DOG-HOUSE CONFERENCE

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1.Phoenix (2-4) 5-17, Philadelphia Atlanta*

*Look for an even smaller Phoenix crowd than last Sunday’s 42,620 turnout. NO HOPE CONFERENCE

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Dallas (0-6) 14-31, S.F. K.C. 2. Chicago (4-2)* 28-33, Houston Cleve.

*Bear Coach Mike Ditka: “I don’t know if we’re capable of winning another game. I don’t think we are.” MODESTY AWARD: Atlanta defensive back Deion Sanders, explaining why he allowed an early pass completion in his first start: “Heck, that was the first pass I had seen in a long time. You know they weren’t throwing in my direction in college.”