Advertisement

Flush With Questions About Gods, Names and Sewage

Share

The city of Los Angeles named one of its sewage-treatment plants after a Greek god.

Hyperion, the name of the plant, was also one of the Titans, father of Helios, the sun, Selene, the moon, and Eos, the dawn.

So when it comes to sewage, Los Angeles has definitely risen above the muck.

Now, take a wild guess at the names of the sewage-treatment plants for metropolitan Orange County.

Try No. 1 and No. 2.

Just let that sink in for a moment. . . .

You see my point.

So why not give them names? Certainly there are many people in Orange County who deserve a chance at immortality. And, let’s face it, not everyone can hope for a hospital, or a park, or even an airplane hangar.

Advertisement

(Before you pooh-pooh the notion entirely, think again of Los Angeles. A Greek god is the very definition of immortality).

OK, so where do we go from here?

Fair being fair, I called the office of the county’s Sanitation Districts to see if they were already planning to bestow such an honor on one of their own. No sense getting anybody’s hopes up if there was already an in-house candidate for the honor.

Well, seems I hit a nerve.

Finance Director Gary Streed, a 22-year veteran of the districts, a man who is intimately acquainted with Sewage Reclamation Plant No. 1, in Fountain Valley, and Sewage Treatment Plant No. 2, in Huntington Beach, told me that he had pondered the name question before.

He even admitted to actually looking up the name “Hyperion” in the encyclopedia to grasp the full, Titanic import of Los Angeles’ bold gesture.

“We wish we had a nice catchy name like that, but we never thought of one,” Streed said. “After all, this is Orange County.”

So it was a lack of confidence I was dealing with. Surely, I persisted, there must be a few possibilities.

And that was when Streed got off on the digesters and tumblers and about how some of them were numbered and others were lettered and about how the lettered ones eventually came to be called by the names of their designers.

I sensed it was time to move on.

Next, I called Larry Parrish, the county’s administrative officer, a man who works in an architectural albatross officially named after his predecessor, Robert E. Thomas, but otherwise known as The Leaning Tower of Power.

Advertisement

Since there appears to be little likelihood that Parrish’s legacy will live on in quite the same way, I let him know that No. 1 and No. 2 were apparently up for grabs.

“I would decline such an offer,” he said without even thinking it over.

But then, quick as a lick, Parrish went off-the-record to tell me who they should really name them after. (These names are well-known to the voters of Orange County, but being a woman of honor, I will not repeat them here. . . . )

OK, so then I got Paul Cook, the city administrator over in Huntington Beach, on the line. I figured what with the waffling over at the Sanitation Districts, at least the physical home of the plants should have dibs on a name.

“It ought to be named after a politician with a stinky reputation,” Cook said.

No, no, no, I told him. Let us not wallow in the mire.

So now I’m noticing that there seems to be a trend developing here, definitely a negative trend. I’m beginning to think that maybe my approach is wrong.

I called the bureau of sewage treatment in Los Angeles, looking for some guidance. I mean, who’s idea was it to name a plant after Hyperion, instead of, say, Rob Lowe?

Well, turns out that Anna Sklar, the bureau’s spokeswoman, was just delighted to hear from me. This is a woman who loves her job.

Advertisement

Not only did she tell me about Hyperion, but she turned me on to Donald C. Tillman as well.

Donald C., (recently retired and living in Oregon), was the former Los Angeles city engineer who proudly gave his name to the Donald C. Tillman Sewage Treatment Plant in Van Nuys.

And what a plant it is!

Not only does it boast a 6 1/2-acre lake (with reclaimed water, of course), but it has an authentic Japanese tea garden, with a tea house. Did you see the movie “Twins?” Shot at the Donald C. Thinking of getting married? Some 20 couples a year tie the knot at the Donald C.

So Anna Sklar, sensing my excitement, asks if I’ve heard of the writer Aldous Huxley.

“Sure,” I say.

“Well, did you know that he wrote an Ode to Hyperion?” she says.

“No!” I say.

“Yes!” she practically screams.

So, there you have it, all you nay sayers.

Anybody who’s interested in No. 1 or No. 2, just let me know.

Sklar’s faxing that ode to me and if you’re nice, I just might let you see it. I’m sure it will be awesome.

Dianne Klein’s column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Klein by writing her at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, Calif. 92626, or calling (714) 966-7406.

Advertisement