Did Babies Really Cry ‘for Exercise?’ : Families: What sounded right four decades ago sounds cruel today. A grandmother takes exception to the “good old days” of baby-raising.

Your basic stereotypical grandmother, as I understand it, is inclined to offer unsolicited advice about the nurturing of babies and the superior methods of the good old days. At the risk of losing my card-carrying status, I would like to go on record as a dissenting grandmother. It is my opinion that the current concepts of child care are infinitely better than those of my generation. This revelation came to me recently when I re-read “Babies are Fun,” a how-to book for young mothers that I wrote in 1942, pre-Dr. Spock.

Just before the birth of my first grandchild, it occurred to me that this book might make an amusing shower gift. I retrieved a copy from the top shelf, glanced through it for the first time in years, and discovered that nearly all of the advice was completely out of sync with today’s thinking.

As I recall, my book was carefully researched and backed by professional input. I suppose I was only reflecting the attitudes of that particular era, but at the time I thought I knew everything. The reviewers seemed to agree with me: “Funny as it is, the advice in this whimsical little book is practically fool-proof.” . . . “It tells in a cheery, bright style all the things a new mother should know, and presents a merry, efficient picture of family increase.”

Perhaps some of the comments were witty, and a few of the pages may have contained pertinent information. It was the sprightly, offhand attitude that disturbed me. The subject of a baby’s crying, for instance, was dismissed with a “merry, efficient” wave of the hand.

From an early chapter: “Setting up good sleep habits is a tough proposition. It takes a certain amount of nerve and a complete defiance of the infant’s will. Here is what you do. After he has been fed, watered, diapered and praised, put him in bed. Tuck the blankets around him and walk out of the room. He screams. You come back to satisfy your conscience. Is he cold? Is he too warm? Is he hiccuping? Does he draw his legs up as though he might have stomach cramps? No, none of these things. Walk out again and let him yell. Hold him or rock him and you are defeated.” Somehow this bit of prose has an ominous ring to it.

A few pages later there was more of the same: “It is a dangerous thing, this becoming a parent, and you will have to strike out hard to keep your identity. Now is the time when you can give up the ship, or rise like a phoenix, renewed and victorious. Being overly concerned is healthy and normal, but don’ t forget that babies have a way of crying just for the activity of it.”

After this dreary trip down memory lane it was refreshing to return to 1989 and embrace the tenets of the hug-a-baby school of thought. True, the new gurus are sometimes as dogmatic as those of the old school, but their message has more heart.

In the current proliferation of baby-oriented books and magazines the simple truths are reiterated. For the newborn, crying is the only way to communicate. It can have many causes--hunger, pain, discomfort, fear of separation, fear of loud noises, and a dozen other reasons that the baby can’t verbalize.

To comfort the crying baby, the present-day authorities recommend physical contact, soft music and, of all things, the rhythm of the old-fashioned rocking chair. According to their code, cuddling is as important as nourishment. It is all very comforting and reassuring.

As I continued my study of “Babies Are Fun,” another glaring fault came to light. The role of the father was almost entirely ignored. References to the father as such were scarce, but those that I did find were significant.

From a chapter titled “After the Shouting Is Over”: “Now that the baby is home, it is time to bring father into the fold. If that fine gentleman, your husband, is not treated as a brash intruder, he might enjoy learning some of the ridiculous things about a baby as much as you do. But don’t say ‘Here, Daddy, hold the brat. All you’ve been doing is sitting in a quiet office all day.’ That sort of attitude is revolting as well as unsuccessful.”

The times, they have changed. A recent cover story of The Times Sunday Magazine featured fathers raising their offspring. The baby-oriented magazines abound with articles by and about fathers. Fathering is trendy and the media is well aware of it.

So how did all this come about? Like all sociological changes, it is almost impossible to analyze. To explain the earlier attitudes, some commentators cite the teachings of Freud or the influence of the women’s liberation movement. No one seems to agree on what brought about the change. The important thing is that the pendulum has swung back and forth and is now in a salubrious position. Today’s parents can relax and rejoice.

In fairness to my former persona, I would like to include this final quote from my book: “What you should remember consciously is joy, unworried, unqualified joy. Your baby needs to know that life can be beautiful, parents can be human, and home can be a happy and interesting place. And you need to keep in mind, most of all, no matter what, despite diapers and tantrums, and come-what-may--that babies are always fun.” That much, at least, is still valid.