Commentary : Thanksgiving--Spent Non-Traditionally--Takes On New Dimension

Thanksgiving has changed a lot for me over the years. What was in my childhood and early married life a family holiday is now a day I spend in less traditional endeavors.

Life changes.

When my grandmother’s house got too small for our growing family and when, after the divorce, my children started going to their dad’s for turkey dinner, I knew it would never again be the same.

Well, not one to wallow in self-pity for very long, I began to look for other-than-traditional ways to spend Thanksgiving.

And, surprisingly, the holiday has taken on a whole new dimension--one that has grown to be truly special to me.

For example, the first year after my divorce, I went to an “Orphan’s Dinner” sponsored by a singles group in Santa Ana. Most of us were newly single and without our families for one reason or another.

The experience was not easy for me. I missed my children. I missed my traditions. I felt sorry for myself--but not for long. In sharing that day with others in similar situations, I found I wasn’t alone. The day turned out to be a lovely time spent with new friends.

I learned to be truly thankful for friends.

The next year at Thanksgiving, I was feeling much stronger emotionally and, therefore, more adventurous. I spent four days backpacking in the Grand Canyon with another group of people I had never met. I packed cold turkey and cranberry sauce into Ziploc bags and had my Thanksgiving dinner along the trail. My friends that year were the red-rock cliffs of the majestic Grand Canyon, and I wasn’t lonely at all.

I learned to be thankful for the beauty of nature and for my health and strong legs, which enabled me to make the strenuous hike down into the canyon.

The next year I again spent Thanksgiving with single friends, but this time we had our children with us. Four days at Joshua Tree National Monument with 15 adults and 18 kids ranging in age from 5 to 18 was far from lonely. We were close that weekend--hiking over rugged and sometimes dangerous terrain together, helping each other along the way.

When my 10-year-old son needed a boost up, there was someone else’s dad there to give it. When another woman’s son got lost, we all took the responsibility to find him. When it was time to eat, everyone pitched in--men, women and children.

We were a family for that weekend--a family of friends. We shared a closeness that is hard to describe and one that my children also remember to this day. By working together, what could have been a lonely and depressing time for many turned into a weekend full of adventure and sharing.

I learned to be thankful for community.

Last year I spent the day preparing a meal at church for those less fortunate than myself. Again it was a group effort to provide a traditional Thanksgiving meal, free of charge, to those in the community who would have otherwise been alone or have gone without food.

We all sat down to say grace and eat together. I remember shaking hands with a homeless man, and when I saw him a week later on the street, he came up to me, smiled and shook my hand again. He remembered me, and the encounter brought tears to my eyes.

I learned to be thankful for the love I have to give others.

Today I no longer yearn for the days of my Thanksgivings past, although I will treasure them always.

Life goes on, and I’ve learned to appreciate and be thankful for what I have right now.