A How-To Book on the Dating of Young Women

Years ago when Hugh Hefner, founder and publisher of Playboy magazine, asked playmate Barbi Benton for a date, she hesitated and said, “Well, I’ve, uh, never dated anyone over 23 before.”

Hefner reportedly responded: “That’s OK. Neither have I.”

This anecdote is recounted in “How to Date Young Women (for Men Over 35),” a book sent to Single Life by writer and self-publisher R. Don Steele of Whittier. The self-appointed love guru defines younger women as those 18 to 24.

As a single woman over 35, my first reaction was to ignore him. That older men prefer dating younger women is not a fact of which I enjoy being reminded.

The onslaught of Steele’s promotional material continued to plague me for four months, so I decided to read the book.

This consistently ribald (his publishing company, “Steele Balls Press,” gives the first clue) how-to manual promises to show men “how to make your fantasies come true.” He insists that any over-35 male can find, meet, talk to, date and bed one of America’s 13 million available young women.

The first and most difficult step, Steele says, is sustaining contact with her. Translated, this means that you must establish a comfort zone that encourages her trust. After all, he says, “you could be the Night Stalker’s brother or a dirty old man trying to cop a feel.”

He cautions against impatience and urges men to control visible signs of satyriasis; nymphets apparently don’t react well to hanging tongues or incessant slobbering. Real Men don’t act self-conscious either, he warns.

Why is younger better?

“A female of 22 retains all of the good qualities of being young but has discarded most of the baggage and burdens of youth,” according to the author.

He must know some well-ripened young ladies who have been able to discard the burdens of youth that quickly. He characterizes these ladies as moody and self-contradicting, unsure of their moral convictions. Ostensibly this is what happens when they discard their youth too early.

Steele suggests that “understanding her” is the second step: “Think back 20 years. What was it like being powerless? What was it like to only have a few dollars? Remember how totally cool you pretended to be, acting like you knew all about life and love. She’s no different.”

Steele seems to think that the best young woman to “get” is the one who has had a half-dozen or so disappointing relationships. He implies that by then she’ll be so burned out and abused that she’ll be grateful for an understanding, if not avuncular, older boyfriend.

It doesn’t hurt to also have lots of money.

He advises men to avoid scholarly young women or female students with high grade-point averages.

His advice is clear: You’re sure to score if you go after lazy-brained young girls who have seen more ceilings than Michelangelo. The author urges men to have a “string to work on at least three pearls long” (he’s a poet too).

“With only two, when you ‘fold ‘em’ with the first, you’ll only have one, that’s the same as having none. The more of them you’re working on at once, the less likely you are to come on too strong.”

This approach, he insists, will give young ladies the idea that you are a macho man with patience, which must be pretty important to a 22-year-old.

Steele also advises older men how to act, dress and talk with “her.”

“Never, absolutely never, say, ‘I’m never getting married again.’ Never volunteer that you’re dating other females. Never knock marriage and children. Never be cynical about such things until much later in the affair, like a year.”

Most of Steele’s affairs with young women have lasted an average of three months, he says.

“The longest was 2 1/2 years, the shortest 11 days.”

Ah, but all good things must come to an end.

He warns: “When guilt overwhelms her, when her erratic behavior overwhelms you, when her immaturity drives you crazy, when your lack of immaturity drives her crazy, when she meets Mr. Right, when you meet Ms. Right. . . . “ We get the picture, Mr. Steele.

Hmm. Do you want to know my opinion on all of this? I think expending energy by pretending to be someone you’re not so you can get someone you really don’t want instead of working on becoming a better person is an interesting choice. Essentially, you’re staying immature as a cure for the Middle Age Crazies.

Now I speak to the real Real Men: Come on guys, tell us it isn’t so.