Here Are 10 Reasons Why Broncos Were No Match for 49ers

With apologies to David Letterman, here are the top 10 reasons for the outcome of Super Bowl XXIV:

10. Bronco Coach Dan Reeves claims sun was in their eyes.

9. Joe Montana wanted Super Bowl records to impress Jodie Foster.

8. John Elway was channeling spirit of Goofy throughout game.

7. Broncos learned of Pete Rose’s bet on them and wanted to teach him a lesson.

6. “Mr. Ed” marathon on New Orleans Channel 3.

5. Broncos influenced by nonviolent philosophy of Gandhi.

4. October quake unleashed hidden radiation from center of the earth; 49ers now immortal supermen.

3. Halftime show with Peanuts characters confused Broncos’ defensive linemen.

2. 49ers wanted to make place-kicker Cofer feel better about missing PAT early in the game.

And the No. 1 reason:

1. Mike Ditka predicted a Bronco victory.

FARYL REINGOLD, West Hollywood