You can’t get discovered in Schwab’s anymore....

You can’t get discovered in Schwab’s anymore. “Star Search ‘90” seems mostly interested in showing off younger folks.

So Joe Brewster, a 43-year-old prospective actor, has thought of a new way to catch a producer’s eye.

Brewster will trade 160 acres of land in Casa Grande, Ariz., for a supporting role in a mainstream Hollywood movie. That’s right: He’ll hand over the deed.

“I’ve cornered just about every casting director that’s come to town without any luck,” said Brewster, the operations manager for a Tucson TV station. “Then it occurred to me: What producers understand is money.”

The former St. Louis disc jockey described his spread, located about 50 miles from Tucson, as “flat and hilly desert land. I figure it’s worth at least $200,000.”

But Brewster, who also owns a home in Tucson, added: “I don’t want to be in some independent deal that no one’s heard about. It’s gotta be a quality movie.”

While his credits are limited to a few commercials on local TV, Brewster said he resembles a certain former pop singer turned desert politician.

“I’m short like he is, about 5-5,” Brewster added. “I could play his brother.”

There you have it, Hollywood.

Does anyone out there have a project titled: “The Sonny Bono Story?”

The author of a newsletter called “Romancing L.A.” is getting married again.

Which is ironic, in a way, because Robert Badal came up with the idea to start the 5-year-old publication “after I got a divorce and lost all my money. I figured if I was gonna be broke I might as well do something that makes me happy.”

The former commodities broker now has 1,400 subscribers. For $38 a year, they receive a monthly issue containing such items as romantic settings in L.A. and suggested poetry to read to one’s lover (“Shakespeare’s sonnets--Nos. 18 and 130 are the most famous.”)

One of his favorite spots is the landmark Acres of Books store in Long Beach.

“The dark corridors and all those musty books bring out a romantic urge in me,” explained Badal, 34.

He also conducts several seminars around town, including “Fifty Romantic and Unusual Weddings.”

As romantic as L.A. is, though, you don’t want to run the risk of getting too much of a good thing.

Badal and his fiance will be married in Monterey.

The Great Kazoo Surplus is dwindling at Cal State Long Beach.

The crisis began two weeks ago when the university offered to give kazoos to the first 5,000 people to attend the 49ers basketball game with North Carolina-Charlotte. Only 2,194 fans showed. Since then Cal State has been foisting the kazoos on fans attending any school sports event. Several hundred remain.

Warning: You’re next, 49er baseball fans.

What-Lawyers-Do-When-No-One’s-Looking Dept.:

A sign in the locked women’s room of the downtown L.A. Law Center Building says:

“Please do not throw coffee on the walls.”