So, What Does a Rock ‘n’ Roll Musician Really Look Like?

The Huntington Beach Police Department, in a quest for information in the unsolved murder last month of a rock-band manager, has released a bulletin saying the victim was last seen accompanied by someone “described as having a rock ‘n’ roll musician appearance.”

Now just what might that be?

Frank Zappa? Elton John? Peter Garrett, the bald, 6-foot-6 lead singer of Midnight Oil?

Joan Jett? Prince?

Little Richard? Jerry Lee Lewis? Huey Lewis?

Read more closely, the bulletin at least includes a couple of other clues as to what this person might look like: “male white in his late 20s or early 30s with long, jet-black hair. . . .”

Hmm. That doesn’t eliminate Elvis. Let’s hope The King hasn’t survived all these years only to turn to a life of crime.

Maybe this guy was seen with a microphone in his hand, an electric guitar slung behind his back as he sat atop a stack of Marshall amplifiers.

Seems the only group that authorities can safely rule out for having “a rock ‘n’ roll musician appearance” is anyone who’s appeared on stage at the Orange County Performing Arts Center.

Suppose the police had issued a description saying this person, who is being sought for information and not considered a suspect, was described as having a lawyer’s appearance? Or a golfer’s appearance? Or, for that matter, an undercover police officer’s appearance?

Evidently, at least according to Huntington Beach’s finest, all rock ‘n’ roll musicians look like the members of Motley Crue: young, white guys with waist-length hair. And, vice-versa--anyone fitting that description must be a rock ‘n’ roller.

Next time guys, be careful out there.