All They Had to Do Was Work the Bugs Out of Kicking Game

Did you hear about the football game played among the animals in the jungle? The way Steve Cameron told it in the Denver Post, nobody could stop the rhinoceros, who thundered to a touchdown on the opening kickoff.

Late in the game, the other team went ahead, 7-6. Before the ensuing kickoff, the lion warned the zebra not to kick to the rhinoceros. The zebra blew it. The ball again went to the rhino, and again he was off to the races.

Just before the rhino reached the end zone, he was stopped by a vicious tackle and fumbled. When the players unpiled, the lion discovered that a tiny centipede had made the tackle.

“That was a great tackle,” said the lion. “but where were you on the opening kickoff?”

The centipede said, “I was still putting on my shoes.”

Trivia time: What major leaguer has played on four division winners in the past six years, for three different clubs.

Name game: Following are some of the players Eddie Gold picked on his all-nickname baseball team in the Chicago Sun-Times:

1B--Bow Wow Arft (St. Louis Browns).

OF--Half-Pint Rye (Boston Red Sox).

C--Pickles Dillhoefer (St. Louis Cardinals).

P--Hillybilly Bildilli (St. Louis Browns).

P--Goober Zuber (New York Yankees).

P--Ach Duliba (St. Louis Cardinals).

Promised land: From Fred Smerlas, former nose tackle with the Buffalo Bills after signing as a free agent with the San Francisco 49ers: “I talked to Matt Millen and Jim Burt and they seemed to have a good time. They said when a football player dies, he goes to San Francisco. It should be fun.”

Dreamer: After Texas A&M; tackle Richmond Webb was drafted by the Miami Dolphins, USA Today asked him what he thought of Dolphin Coach Don Shula.

“He looks like a pretty laid-back guy,” Webb said. “It looks like he lays on the beach. He’s got a pretty nice tan.”

Said John Sandusky, the Dolphin offensive line coach, “Boy, is he in for a shock.”

Good company: According to the Elias Baseball Analyst, Dwight Evans of the Boston Red Sox had the most extra-base hits in the 1980s with 605. Other extra-base leaders were Reggie Jackson and Bobby Bonds, 1970s; Henry Aaron, 1960s; Stan Musial, 1950s and 1940s; Jimmie Foxx, 1930s, and Babe Ruth, 1920s.

Fourteen years ago today: On April 25, 1976, center fielder Rick Monday of the Chicago Cubs rescued the American flag from two demonstrators who tried to set it on fire during the fourth inning at Dodger Stadium. The Dodgers won in 10 innings, 5-4.

Trivia answer: Pat Sheridan. He played for Kansas City in 1984 and ‘85, Detroit in 1987 and San Francisco in 1989. He currently is out of baseball after failing to catch on with Kansas City.

Quotebook: John Salley of the Detroit Pistons, promising to be non-controversial during the playoffs: “If you want stupid comments, Charles Barkley is in Philadelphia.”