Talkin’ Baseball . . . Canseco, A’s and Pennant

H itting the quarter pole on a baseball season in which Philadelphia is in first, Kansas City is in last and and the game’s brightest new hitter is named Fielder . . .

Somewhere in the offices of the Oakland Athletics, General Manager Sandy Alderson searches his soul: Is Jose Canseco really worth the police arrests, the highway patrol alerts, the 1-900 numbers, the handgun-equipped Jaguars and the never-ending wait for one sign of maturity?

Canseco’s numbers through 41 games: 18 home runs, 45 RBIs, 11 stolen bases and a .331 batting average.

Somewhere in the offices of the Oakland Athletics, General Manager Sandy Alderson draws up a long-term contract for that fine young gentleman who plays right field for Tony La Russa.

Willie Randolph for Stan Javier? Who says the Dodgers didn’t buy off the A’s in the 1988 World Series?

Murderers’ Row, 1990: RHenderson, Lansford, Canseco, McGwire, DHenderson, Steinbach, Jose, Randolph, Weiss. If there was ever a weak link, the Dodgers took care of it with their deferred payment.

Remove the fat and the trade works out to this: Steve Sax for Javier. Too many people must have told Fred Claire that winning a World Series is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Frank Robinson says the White Sox are using spies and two-way radios to steal signs from the other team’s dugout. There had to be an explanation.

Carlos Martinez at first base. Lance Johnson, Ivan Calderon and Sammy Sosa in the outfield. Jerry Kutzler, Greg Hibbard and Jack McDowell in the rotation. That’s my idea of a .600 ballclub.

Major league baseball’s attempt at absurdist existential theater: Waiting for Schofield.

Bob Boone and Nolan Ryan just joined Schofield on the disabled list and you wonder what took them so long.

Wonder who’ll be the first one back.

Don’t ask about the last one.

Lenny Dykstra is batting .410. Vince Coleman leads the majors in stolen bases. Tim Raines is still Tim Raines. And when the Angels finally traded for a leadoff hitter, they wound up with Luis Polonia.

Maybe they should play him.

If and when Kirk Gibson completes his rehab assignment, the Dodgers will start an outfield of Kal Daniels in left, Hubie Brooks in right and Gibson in center. Who’ll stop the fly balls?

Last season, you could have taken Texas’ hitting and Kansas City’s pitching and won the World Series. This season, the same combination wouldn’t win the PCL.

Even with The Franchise, Eric Davis, on the sidelines, Cincinnati is running away with the National League West. Care to wager a bet why?

Ryne Sandberg throws a ball away, Harry Caray allows Dan Quayle to call an inning and a couple of Cub errorless streaks go down the tubes.

First Fernando Valenzuela and now Orel Hershiser. And in between, Tommy Lasorda lets Tim Belcher pitch a complete game on his first turn after a short spring. When you’re armed and a Dodger, it’s always dangerous.

It appears Dave Stewart has finally found a way to win the Cy Young Award.

Good thing, though, that Frank Viola now pitches in the other league. Stew knows the name of that tune.

If Mark Langston is worth $16 million, Chuck Finley is the most underpaid player in the history of baseball.

Don Baylor, good luck charm to the ’86 Red Sox, ’87 Twins and ’88 A’s, is now coaching hitters in Milwaukee and doing it again.

Will the Indians get an eviction notice before they tear down Municipal Stadium?

If you ignore pitching, and Keith Hernandez, the old Mets (Dykstra, Brooks, Kevin Mitchell, Juan Samuel, Mookie Wilson, Wally Backman) look better than the new ones.

If Bo Jackson wants to consider another hobby, managing the Kansas City Royals comes to mind.

And in San Diego, we now know why they call him Trader Jack and not Manager Jack.

The Padres make a better rotisserie league team than a National League team.

Roger Craig is learning the hard way that in order to teach pitchers the split-fingered fastball, you first need pitchers.

Scratch Wally Joyner from the Angels’ list of coffee underachievers.

Wally even leads the Angels in home runs and the last time that could be said, Gene Mauch was his manager.

Canseco continues on a 70-home run pace. At this rate, he’ll pass Roger Maris before the A’s clinch the division.

The Chicago White Sox?

Dick Schofield Update: Any day now.