On an Ego Trip With Channel 7’s Newsvan : Television: KABC-TV news director Roger Bell has a plan to ‘bring our newsvan identification into our newscasts.’

Much of television news wears as many cosmetics as Boy George did when he was Boy George. The gloss glistens.

No wonder, then, that local newscasts in particular have become the centerfolds of TV, lounging across the screen the way pouty-lipped Miss July beckons you from the pages of Playboy. And just as Miss July states in her “Playboy Data Sheet” that her goal is the “salvation of our environment,” so, too, is it the goal of many TV news executives to save our environment.

Save it from news by recycling self-hype.

It’s a given that news and promotion merge when anchors venture out to do ratings sweeps series.

And for at least two decades now, stations most everywhere have been clipping their call letters to the microphones that their news bunnies thrust at people they want to interview. Thus the interview and self-promotion are beamed to viewers simultaneously.

But that little sleight of hand is nothing compared to the latest machinations of those sordid sophisticates at KABC-TV Channel 7, where a torrid on-air campaign to publicize the Channel 7 “newsvan” has proved so successful that news director Roger Bell has a plan to “bring our newsvan identification into our newscasts.”

In other words, we give you the self-adcast.

In a newsroom memo, Bell has urged his staff to “include pictures of our newsvans in stories” when possible. “For instance, in establishing shots, the newsvan could be parked visibly in the scene. If a stand-up (a reporter speaking to the camera) doesn’t have an obvious backdrop that helps tell the story, then use the newsvan.”

And Bell adds: “Traveling shots of the newsvan could be used as transition shots when going from one location to another.”

What’s next, a “7” being stamped on the foreheads of anchors?

“I would not want this to interfere with a news story,” Bell said when questioned about his memo. “I’m talking about the incidental shot that occurs at the scene or in a feature story.”

Who knows, however? Even before Bells’ memo was circulated, “Eyewitness News” was probably already plotting a five-part series on the “newsvan” for the November ratings sweeps, as a companion to its memorable series in May on, well, itself.

Thus, the cosmetics become the face.

What does the future hold for TV news?

After writing about the Channel 7 “newsvan” promotion, I happened to be watching TV as one of those ads for 900 numbers popped onto the screen. These days you can get almost anything through a 900 number. For two or three bucks a minute, you can be titillated, you can be comforted, you can be insulted--whatever your need.

But this 900 number offered something especially intriguing: a Psychic Hotline. “Your future is just a call away,” the announcer promised. “She (the psychic) is just like a friend.” For $2.95 a minute, I bought a friend.

Instead of a “she,” the psychic who came on the line was Dan, who said he was speaking from San Diego and could predict the future.

“What is the future of TV news?” I asked.

Dan said: “As far as it expanding to the point, well, there is a tendency for it to develop into a thing for people to have a chance to access it any moment. You can access news on your computer, and if that isn’t a decadent thing, what is?”

I didn’t quite follow that, but decided to proceed anyway.

“Will TV news improve?” I asked.

Dan said: “The only way that can happen is if people put out the positive energy to make that happen. We can do that through the massive changes happening all around us. One thing we can do is be willing to share our positive energy. We create both positive and negative energy.”

I decided to level with Dan. “You know,” I said, “I am a TV critic who comes down pretty hard on TV news. Just today I was writing about a station using portions of its newscasts in a self-serving way.” I layed it all out for Dan.

“Honestly, Dan, did I do the right thing by writing about this?” I cringed, expecting the worst.

But Dan said: “Being critical is good. You are finding not only faults, but ways it can be improved on. Instead of saying, ‘I’m not going to see anything negative today,’ instead of seeing the bad, you see what’s happening for what it’s worth.”

I wasn’t sure I understood that either.

Dan said: “I only allow people to see positive or potential futures. Every action changes with every thought. Thought energy is transformed into physical energy.”

Dan said said he was 23 and had been a practicing psychic for 18 years. He said he got this job by answering an ad and was paid by the hour.

“How’s business?” I asked. “Fair,” he said.

“Do you really take all this seriously?” I asked. “I take it with a grain of salt,” he said. “If I allowed myself to believe half this stuff, I’d be in serious trouble.”

More than just a friend, Dan was now sounding exactly like a TV critic.

Deciding I needed additional help, I called the number again, and this time got Brenda, who said she was an astrologer who foretold the future by reading tarot cards.

Brenda asked me if I wanted “the free crystal” with my reading. I declined. After she asked me when I was born and where I was calling from, we got down to specifics.

I filled Brenda in on the Channel 7 “newsvan” matter, then asked: “What does the future hold for this station?”

Brenda said: “Now, I don’t want you to tell me its name or anything, but just concentrate on it real hard.” I did, real hard, thinking also about Paul and Ann and Harold and Dr. George and all those other fine folks at Channel 7. About 30 seconds later, I heard Brenda’s voice again, and the news was grim.

She said: “It doesn’t look very good. They are idealizing the things they are doing. For the next three months, it does look good, even for the next six months. But then. . . .”

I asked Brenda to give it to me straight.

She said: “Three years from now, maybe even two years from now, it looks very bad. In fact, within a year and a half from now, they won’t be around.”

Won’t be around for me to kick around? I hung up and immediately began putting out positive energy.