Only in L.A.

They may look carefree out there. But take it from Joanie Garratt: Roller-skaters have their problems too. Mainly, skateboarders, bicyclists, pedestrians--and police officers.

And in Venice, of all places, the town made famous by skaters.

“This is really the Roller Skating Citation Capital of the World,” said Garratt, head of the Venice Roller Skating Assn.

Her people, Garratt claims, have been rendered virtually path-less by a new law that forbids “dangerous” skating, meaning they could be ordered off Ocean Front Walk when it’s crowded.

“What this law is saying is, you can wear your skates and you can walk, “ said Garratt, pointing out that she and her compatriots are already banned from the bicycle path.

Garratt theorizes that it’s the skateboarders who are giving all rollers a bad name.

“Skateboarders are rude and what they do is dangerous,” she said. “Their fate is not tied to their feet.”

Garratt is conducting a survey of her 600-odd members to determine how many have been ticketed. She plans to take the results to Councilwoman Ruth Galanter and the LAPD. She herself was ticketed--after coming to the aid of a fallen cyclist on the bicycle path, she maintains.

Too bad for you if you missed this classic on Cinemax the other night: “Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death,” which is described as the moving story of an anthropologist who discovers a Southern California “tribe of women who devour their men.”

With tortilla chips, no doubt.

We’ll just let the city Fire Department’s P.R. crew tell you about this one:

“ . . . Mr. Filthy McNasty, the president of McNasty Brothers Inc., entered a plea of ‘No Contest’ to two misdemeanor counts of overcrowding. The plea from Mr. McNasty was related to three overcrowding incidents at his nightclub called the F.M. Station . . . Mr. McNasty was placed on 36 months’ summary probation and ordered to pay fines and costs of $9,242.”

Maybe the Burbank City Council has heard one too many “Beautiful Downtown Burbank” jokes. The members denied a conditional use permit for one merchant Thursday because he refused to ban smoking at his business--a pool hall.

With the stomach-churning traffic conditions here, it’s only fitting that the L.A. Convention Center was selected as the site of the 1994 convention of The World Congresses of Gastroenterology.

Breakdown Services, an entertainment industry publication announcing cast openings, recently ran this item:

“Seeking: Magician or hand model: To play ‘Thing,’ the disembodied hand that serves the Addams Family. Must be male Caucasian. Hand must be big, arms long, and preferably double-jointed.”

“The only one of my clients that fits that description,” said personal manager Milt Suchin, “is Phyllis Diller.”

MiscelLAny:

Although the Jet Propulsion Laboratory’s mailing address is Pasadena--and newspaper datelines usually identify Pasadena as its home--it’s actually located in neighboring La Canada Flintridge. A portion of one JPL parking lot is in Pasadena though.