Comic Tim Allen Knows What Women Know: Men Are Really Pigs

Women have been saying it for centuries, but Tim Allen is the first man to have the courage to admit it: Men are pigs.

“Grunt, grunt,” says the comic who proclaims in his act that men are primitive, grunting Neanderthal pigs, capable only of lawn care and vehicle maintenance. His comedy routines are punctuated with grunts, groans and simian noises--”sort of like Cheetah,” he apes.

Allen’s been on the comedy club circuit for the last 12 years and has appeared on Fox’s “Comic Strip Live” and various cable specials. He’s grunting and snorting on his own Showtime special, aptly titled, “Tim Allen: Men Are Pigs,” premiering Friday at 10 p.m.

Women, says Allen, love his act. “Women know men are primitive,” he oinks. “They fear it, they deal with it and they manipulate it. Grunt, grunt, grunt.”

But Allen is more than a swine. He’s a hog with a heart. “I love making people laugh,” he explains. “But there’s a little bit of guilt in loving what you do when there is so much pain everywhere. This week on stage, I had a tough time because of Iraq, Kuwait and the millions of other things that are so important. I am a sensitive guy and politically motivated and at times it (comedy) seems a little trite.”

Success also frightens him. “I see things changing I thought would never change--like a certain amount of anonymity,” says Allen. “It’s hard to accept people wanting me. I have slowly built up an audience and can just go in for two nights, sometimes one night, and make the same kind of money as I did in a week.”

Allen has just finished writing and starring in a commercial for Chevy trucks based on his routine. “It’s me rewiring the house with Chevy engines,” he says. “But life is full of compromises,” Allen adds with a sigh, “it’s funny, but it wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be.”