Tommy Page Spurns Tapes, Pays Price With So-So Voice

Tommy Page must have had a good, ethical upbringing.

At a time when the odious practice of rolling tapes to compensate for negligible talent has become the norm in “live” dance-pop performances, Page played it straight Saturday night at the Celebrity Theatre. Consequently, Page proved himself a negligible talent, but at least he proved himself an honest man.

The 20-year-old singer from New Jersey put in a laborious, ballad-heavy hour in which his vocal shortcomings were painfully obvious. Page’s voice was thin and scratchy, his range was limited, and when he tried to stretch or bend a note, he showed as much control as a Daytona stock car driver with a blown tire. But at least Page’s performance was what he could muster at the moment, not some studio-treated evasion of the truth.

Page’s inability to replicate his records didn’t bother his audience of young teens, nearly all of them girls, who greeted him with a barrage of non-stop screaming worthy of Beatlemania’s first blush. They waved homemade signs, tossed flowers and teddy bears, strained for a touch of the star’s hand, and basically behaved like overwrought, infatuated teeny-boppers. The audience response made for a more engaging show than anything the handsome but uncharismatic Page could muster.

“If they could harness the energy in this audience, I think it would help Bush a lot with Iraq,” commented Mildred Hoffman, the grandmotherly usher who shepherds Aisle 16 at the Celebrity. Right she was. Let’s hope the embargoed Iraqis prove to be less adept smugglers than Page’s fans, many of whom spirited contraband flash cameras past the theater gendarmes and put them to blinding use.

With his GQ model’s looks, simple, romantic subject matter, and utter absence of sexual aggressiveness, Page is a made-to-order teen-pop fave. On his 1988 debut album, Page drew heavily on British synth-pop influences and put some edge into his music. But this year’s model, armed with a No.1 hit collaboration with New Kids on the Block, “I’ll Be Your Everything,” is strictly pitching puppy love. Somebody has to--and it might as well be somebody who isn’t afraid to level with his fans.

The same can’t be said for Sweet Sensation, a New York Latina vocal trio that seems to be striving to be the Supremes of the hip-hop era. “Vocal” is used advisedly, because the backing harmonies were as canned as Campbell’s soup. That use of electronic falsies called Betty LeBron’s suspiciously perfect lead parts even further into question. Maybe LeBron really is the legitimate heir to the Diana Ross she seemed to be in a set-closing rendition of the Supremes oldie “Love Child.” Then again, maybe she isn’t.

Backed by a crisp and punchy backing band, the sexy trio looked and sounded great while keeping up nearly nonstop aerobic synchronized dance moves. But just what was it we were hearing?

Introducing the group’s current No. 1 hit ballad, “If Wishes Came True,” LeBron said: “Take it from us, all wishes come true, you know--no matter who you are, or what your wish may be.”

Well, if that’s so, here’s wishing that by this time next year audiences will hold the in-concert use of prerecorded and electronically boosted vocals in roughly the same regard as a convicted savings and loan shyster.

Opening act Linear (pronounced to rhyme with tin ear) spent much of its 18-minute set making the girls squeal with beefcake poses and mock striptease moves. The trio from Florida offers no substance to speak of, but its stylistic blend of disco and rap beats, pop-metal, and catchy material curiously reminiscent of some ‘70s L.A. soft rock marks a mildly interesting departure from the dance-pop norm.