Rolexing His Way to Danger

A friend who always has striven to appear trendy has just come into ownership of a two-tone Rolex watch. It is something he has wanted most of his adult life.

“A Rolex makes a statement,” he used to say, “the way a tall, gorgeous blonde woman on your arm makes a statement.”

The friend, whom I shall call Ernie, is not likely to ever end up with a tall, gorgeous blonde woman, so I had mixed feelings when he informed me he had finally gotten a Rolex.

On the one hand, I was glad he possessed half of what he has always wanted. On the other, I feel his life is in jeopardy.

Wearers of these pricey trinkets have been falling victim to thieves at the rate of one a day. Three people have been killed for their Rolexes in L.A. alone.

Ernie has one of the cheaper models. The two-tone is composed of gold and stainless steel and sells new for about $3,500. The President goes for $10,000 up, depending on the number of jewels encrusted in its solid gold frame.

Ernie bought his watch from an acquaintance for $2,000. He is paying him off at $200 a month.

“That’s a good price,” I said. “Why did he sell it?”

“Oh, you know,” Ernie said evasively. “He’s 52 and time isn’t important to him anymore.”

“Time isn’t important to a stockbroker? Since when?”

“Well, he figures we spend too much of our lives worrying about minutes.” Ernie let that hang for a moment and then sighed. “OK, so the guy is terrified of getting killed. It’s no big deal.”

Ernie was clearly uncomfortable with the notion that his life was in danger from something he had always wanted. It was like discovering the tall, gorgeous blonde woman of his dreams was a serial killer.

He has cause for concern. We are in what one detective describes as a Rolex Street Crime Phase. For awhile, the fad among thieves was to snatch gold chains. Then it was robbery at automated bank teller machines.

Now it is Rolex watches.

This is not of personal concern to me, by the way, since I don’t own any status symbols. No one is likely to kill me for my Timex or my Pontiac.

But I do feel sorry for Ernie and for the rest of you who have plunked down thousands to flash what it is no longer safe to flash.

“It’s a sad state of affairs,” the aforementioned detective said to me, “when you can get killed for just wearing a watch.”

The policeman did not want his name used for the same reason Ernie preferred anonymity. He also owns a two-tone Rolex. So call him Fred. Ernie & Fred, together again.

A collector of antique watches, Fred traded up for the Rolex and wears it all the time. He realizes, of course, that this makes him a target, but not as much as someone who owns a President.

The President is such a desirable model that people who fence jewelry have a waiting list of customers. They take orders for the watches and pass the orders on to their . . . well . . . Rolex acquirers.

The two-toners are not that much in demand, Fred says, but just the same, he wouldn’t wear one if he didn’t carry a gun.

On the other hand, there is Mary Mulis. She not only allowed her name to be used today, but also informed me she wears $20,000 worth of jewelry every day in addition to her Rolex.

No question, Mary is tough. A mugger grabbed her purse once in a parking lot and had to slam her against a car a couple of times to get the purse away from her.

Then she chased him, screaming, and threw her shoes at the guy. Two men stopped the mugger, but let him go when he dropped the purse and pulled a knife. Mary probably would have wrestled him for the knife.

“I refuse to be held hostage because I wear a Rolex,” she said. “I bought it because it’s practical and will last all my life. When I die, I’ll pass it on to my children.”

I asked Fred if he had any advice for Rolex wearers, short of carrying a .38 police special. He said, if robbed, don’t risk your life by refusing to give up your watch.

Then he added thoughtfully, “The crook may shoot you anyhow, but that’s a chance you take.”

It’s too bad we’ve become the kind of society that spins on status symbols. It’s too bad we’ve become the kind of society that takes what it wants by whatever means necessary.

It’s too bad, but it’s a fact.

Leave the watch home, Ernie, and buy a bumper sticker instead. There’s one that says, “My Other Car is a Rolex.”