Little did Santa Monica Bank know that...

Little did Santa Monica Bank know that it would offend anyone when it adopted the ad slogan, “We handle more zeroes than a dating service.”

But Jeffrey Ullman says it’s an insult against singles, and he plans a demonstration across the street from the bank Tuesday. He’ll hand out bumper stickers that say: “I’m No Zero.” He’s demanding that the ad campaign be discontinued.

Oddly enough, Ullman is married.

We’re sure it’s just a coincidence that he operates a dating service.

Angeles Magazine, in an “L.A. Abroad” issue, recently ran a piece subtitled, “L.A. Architects Go Global.”

It was a reminder that one of L.A.’s most distinctive styles has been transplanted to Japan by L.A.’s Frank Gehry. Programmatic architecture, critics call it. The rest of us would call it: “Hey, it’s shaped like the thing they’re selling.”

Yes, in the distinguished tradition of such L.A. landmarks as the Tail of the Pup stand near the Beverly Center, the Donut Hole in La Puente, and the defunct Tamale restaurant in Montebello, Gehry designed the Fishdance Restaurant in Kobe in the shape of a fish--a whopper in fact.

It’s not the kind of endorsement of public transportation that the RTD appreciates: A youth reached through the driver’s window of a bus stopped at a red light on Broadway and ran off with a wad of . . . transfer tickets.

OK, maybe the L.A. Convention Center hasn’t landed the city much business, which is why Mayor Tom Bradley may turn it over to private management. But let’s not forget that the facility has provided the city with several humorous moments over its 19 years. Here are a few:

* “L.A. Convention Center” is the winner among 2,000 entries in a contest to rename the facility; its old name: L.A. Convention and Exhibition Center (1972).

* Spiro Agnew declares in a speech there that he will never resign as vice president (1973).

* National Federation of Republican Women demands refund for “dreadful” breakfast there after many delegates receive less than a spoonful of scrambled eggs while others’ plates are overflowing with eggs (1973).

* While New York hosts the Democratic Convention, Convention Center hosts Muriel Cigar Girl competition (1976).

* A storm blows off the facility’s giant sign; for weeks it says: ENTION CENTER (1983).

* A blue stripe is daubed on the facility so officials can decide whether that’s the shade they want to re-paint the building; six months later, the stripe’s still there (1990).

Call it the Fawn Hall Rule.

You may recall that Oliver North’s famous secretary/shredder recently popped up in a Broadcast Journalism 402 class at USC. Hall, who has visions of becoming a talk-show host, was forced to drop out because she hadn’t registered.

Now, a memo has been issued, decreeing that “a recent incident” of an individual “sitting in on a class without registering through the proper channels has promoted the School of Journalism” to forbid outsiders to visit a class more than twice.

The memo should have said “prompted.” We bet that if Fawn had been doing the typing, she would have got it right.

miscelLAny:

A convicted murderer named Dave Brown, about to be hanged near L.A. City Hall in 1854, reportedly said he would meet his Maker with a clear conscience because “I can at least claim that I was never either mayor or member of the Los Angeles City Council.”