Oski Still Eligible for Endangered Species List

THE MASCOTS

Since it’s halftime of football season, the Bottom Ten selectors are scrutinizing the mascots this week. Sad to say, even these seemingly innocent sideline cavorters can be controversial.

Cal’s Oski the Bear got into big trouble earlier this year when he threw a cream cake into a crowd at a Cal-Oregon State basketball game. Bad bear! School officials even pondered eliminating the sadistically grinning animal.

Other infamous mascots include Illinois’ Chief Illiniwek, considered an insult by some Americans; Nebraska’s Herbie Husker, who is in hot water because he’s depicted on Coors beer cans in that area; and Virginia’s fiery Cavalier, who once tore the flipper of Maryland’s Terrapin counterpart.

The social snub of the year came at Anaheim Stadium, where authorities forbade Colorado’s buffalo mascot, Ralphie, from taking the field for the team’s opener. Were they afraid Ralphie would join the stampede of fans making their usual early exit?

Some mascots have actually drawn penalties. Oklahoma’s Sooner Schooner cost the team a crucial touchdown in the Orange Bowl by rumbling onto the field at the wrong time. And Alabama’s ersatz elephant, Big Al, drew the wrath of officials by sticking its trunk into a pregame coin toss.

RANKINGS

Character, School Description 1.Oski (Cal) On probation 2. Herbie (Neb.) No Spuds M. 3. Illiniwek (Ill.) Facing ouster 4. Ralphie (Colo.) Banned in Anaheim 5. Sebastian (Miami) Bad Knee 6. S. Schooner (Okla.) Bad Brakes 7. Cavalier (Va.) Tortoise-basher 8. Big Al (Ala.) Too Nosy 9. Leprechaun (ND) Worst Outfit 10. Sun Devil (ASU) Avowed Satanist

WORST NAME: Ohio State’s macho chestnut--Brutus Buckeye.

MOST EMBARRASSING INJURY: Sebastian, Miami’s ibis mascot, suffered torn cartilage in his knee when the bird character was knocked down by a ball carrier going out of bounds during the Hurricanes’ loss to BYU. Sebastian was the only member of Miami’s traveling squad to be injured that week.

FAVORITE OF CANINE POPULATION: Stanford’s Tree.

THE PROS

Philadelphia cheap-shot artist Andre Waters, excoriated by ABC’s Dan Dierdorf and fined $10,000 by the NFL, refused to do TV interviews Sunday, explaining: “People don’t know--they only know what they see on TV. I’m not talking to no cameras!”

Alas, the NFL was not expected to grant Waters’ demand that none of the rest of Philadelphia’s games be televised--though a blackout would probably be a blessing to beleaguered Beagles fans.

Actually, Philadelphia is only the third-most penalized team behind Kansas City and Houston. No. 4 is the Jets, mainly because tackle Jeff Criswell was penalized four times for false starts and once for holding against Buffalo.

Like Andre Waters, Cincinnati’s Ickey Woods should demand that the cameras be turned off, especially when he launches into his inelegant Ickey Shuffle, as he did Monday night. Woods gained seven yards in five carries. Why was this man dancing?

RANKINGS

LOUD-MOUTH DIVISION

Mouth, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. J. Glanville (2-4) 24-44, Lambs Cincy 2. B. Ryan (2-4) 7-13, Wash. N.J. Giants 3. The A’s (0-4) 1-2, Cincinnati Idle

BEASTIE BOYS DIVISION

Team Times Penalized Yards 1. K.C.(4-3) 60 503 2. Houston (4-3) 60 467 3. Philadelphia (2-4) 48 451 4. N.J. Jets (2-5) 52 449

Note: Goody Two-Shoes L.A. Raiders (6-1) have been penalized only 255 yards, including a total of nine against San Diego Sunday. What in the Ted Hendricks is going on?

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: Minnehaha (1-5) at Green Bay (2-4).

TODAY’S BIOLOGY LESSON: “One butt equals two feet,” said Steeler coach Chuck Noll, explaining that a receiver doesn’t need to have two feet inbounds when he catches a pass.