Nowhere is L.A. more disaster-prone than in...

Nowhere is L.A. more disaster-prone than in the movies.

“The Big One: The Great L. A. Earthquake,” which strikes Sunday night on NBC, has been preceded by such promos as: “A soon-to-be-true story.”

Hasn’t L.A. suffered enough for the amusement of the rest of the nation? (Remember, Seattle: Terrified Angelenos who flee town after the movie may be headed your way.)

In “Miracle Mile” (1988), only the tar pits were left after nuclear war hit Wilshire Boulevard. Nearly everyone but Charlton Heston was wiped out in “Earthquake” (1974). A Martian invasion destroyed City Hall in “War of the Worlds” (1953).

And let’s not forget that sewer-dwelling reptile who dined on several residents of Echo Park in “Alligator” (1980).

We don’t know the ending to “The Big One,” but we were reassured to learn that only six freeways are knocked out of action. Sounds like a normal rush hour.

Maybe it didn’t compare to “Alligator,” but Susan Atherton suffered her own sewer nightmare. A design art consultant, she was downtown when she dropped her large portfolio into the gutter at the corner of 8th and Olive. The folder, containing artworks that she was shopping around to different businesses, slid into the bowels of L.A.

Whom did she phone for help?

Mom.

“I know you, you’ll phone the mayor,” she told her mother Jan, an interior designer.

She was correct. The mayor’s people were “very friendly,” said Jan Atherton. “They got in touch with the right department and two gentlemen--I wrote down their names, Armando Gatewood and Gustavo Madrid--retrieved the folder. And the artworks inside weren’t even wet!”

Way to go, Mom.

Who was that observed buying 14 pairs of shoes in Frederick’s of Hollywood the other day? No, not Imelda. It was Jane Fonda, according to store spokeswoman Ellen Appel. The future Mrs. Ted Turner also purchased some lingerie items. Sounds like a busy workout at the cash register.

We’re still not sure why City Hall was surrounded Friday by all those squad cars that said, “New York Police Dept.” Was someone shooting a movie? Or is there something you haven’t told us, Mayor Bradley?

It’s nearly time to have that photo taken of Santa holding your little one. We’re talking about your dog, of course.

Charmaine’s, a West L.A. dog groomer, says it will have the Jolly Old Elf on hand twice this month to pose with your mutt for photo packages ranging from $25 upward.

References required for pit bulls.

miscelLAny:

L.A.’s first cemetery, located near the Plaza Church on North Main Street in the early 19th Century, is now a parking lot.