There’s Lots Left for Last-Minute Shoppers

It’s late. Too late to seek the perfect gift for anyone. But there are still last-minute needs--for a hostess, a sudden guest, someone forgotten.

The following, therefore, are last-minute gift suggestions. They’re basically one-size-fits-all, available at stores almost everywhere, and if not always inexpensive, economical.

They also have, by design, a certain skew. An all-purpose gift must be useful both to someone who already has one and to someone with no interest in it. But they shouldn’t be boring to donor or recipient--a potential problem with flowers, which fit all other requirements.

The all-time, all-purpose present is food that the recipients can serve to others if they don’t like it themselves. How about cheese--relatively mild ones (Gouda, Trappist, provolone, Cheddar) rather than smelly (Stilton, Limburger, Gorgonzola) or precious (spreadable stuff with nuts outside or produce inside).

The best--and best-looking--value is whole cheeses of four or more pounds, rather than gift arrangements of several wee cheeses packed with a useless figurine or serving dish. One may also get a discount from smaller markets for buying whole cheeses.

For the serious cook who already has many cookbooks, or someone who doesn’t cook at all, we suggest “Manifold Destiny: The One! The Only! Guide to Cooking on Your Car Engine,” by Chris MaynArd and Bill Scheller. For $7.95, it details a number of dishes, mostly foil-baked (lamb, ham steak, chicken, fish), to be cooked literally en route in several possible sites on an engine. Cooking times are given not in minutes but miles (140 miles for stuffed whole fish), with adjustments for traffic congestion and curious tollbooth operators (“Do I smell brisket?”).

We’re told the recipes are good, but who cares? One isn’t giving food, but a witty, cleverly conceived and actually workable guide.

Anyone seeking safe and attractive gifts for children will find video stores everywhere and videotapes down to hostess present prices--$12 to $20. Better be sure they’re exchangeable, because children don’t read any more (whether they can’t or won’t) and already have a lot of videos.

Their video library (such an oxymoron!) probably includes most Disney movies, so it might be safer to pick a golden oldie--Mary Martin’s “Peter Pan,” “Singin’ in the Rain,” maybe “Miracle on 34th Street.” What else gets appreciated daily for several weeks, and on continued occasions for several years?

For older children, or a hip thirtysomething, here’s a totally cold idea (like beyond cool, dummy): a kid’s watch. Mickey Mouse has adorned adult arms for years. A friend of ours with a black-and-yellow Batman watch has to shake off people wanting to buy it.

So go really garish. Get someone the Little Mermaid in a plastic-cased digital ($10 at Disney Stores, Toys R Us, Target, Wal-Mart) or an analog Scrooge McDuck ($19.95). Give a grown man Tiger Electronics’ combination watch-and-game products ($12-$20)--Batman, Bart Simpson, RoboCop--so he’ll leave his kid’s Game Boy alone.

Instead of expensive coffee table books, which give owners something to read during commercials and visitors something to talk about, we recommend Nolo Press’ “Dog Law,” by Mary Randolph, guaranteed to start an animated conversation anywhere. Almost 40% of American households have dogs (54 million of them). The rest loathe them.

This book serves both groups with definitive information on barking problems, leash laws and pooper-scooper requirements, on dog sales, licensing and health insurance, on owner-neighbor negotiations. The only book more useful on everyday animosities is Nolo Press’ upcoming “Neighbor Law.”

Finally, there are always calendars for people who don’t get dozens at the office or don’t like the desktop fall scenes offered by banks and plumbers. But make it a non-cute calendar. No cats. And no graphic wizardry providing two centuries at a glance or some free-form dots on an unrecognizable grid. People want calendars that tell them, clearly, the days of the week and when they occur.

There are also umbrellas, which are often quite stylish, are guaranteed to fit everyone and can be bought everywhere--drugstores, department stores, even on street corners in bad weather. People who already have one can use more, so they’ll always have one at hand. Children are particularly thrilled and flattered by the gift, but their umbrellas should be bright colors and have wood or plastic caps on the spokes.

If the gift is both last-minute and far-away, flowers-by-phone might still make it Monday, if time differences permit. For a few dollars over the cost of the actual gift, any of the Florists’ Transworld Delivery Assn.’s 25,000 members offer a choice of 400 to 500 plants and arrangements, some special for Christmas (red, white and green). The order is then called or computer-messaged to a fellow florist in the recipient’s city.

But don’t expect cheap. Anyone shopping the day before Christmas can hardly haggle price.