“W anted: Public relations representative for Middle...

“W anted: Public relations representative for Middle East dictator.... Must have no knowledge of world history. . . . Misguided idea of United States patriotism a must . . . “

The sarcastic classified ad was placed in The Times by Cliff Craft, 45, of Whittier, who said he was frustrated over anti-war protests as well as what he terms negative coverage of the Persian Gulf conflict.

Craft said he’s received about 200 calls, including a dozen from readers who were “seriously offended by the ad.” However, four other people thought it was a legitimate job opening and left messages listing their qualifications.

It isn’t easy for a harpist to make house calls. In fact, Victoria Looseleaf of Beverly Hills thinks she may be the only one in Southern California who performs such a service (see photo). Looseleaf says she’s often hired to wheel her musical instrument to the homes of burned-out business types who find her gentle strains “de-stressing.”

L.A., age 210, still has yet to acquire a permanent nickname, a la the Big Apple and the Windy City. But the nominations keep coming in. The latest is “City of Quartz,” the title of author Mike Davis’ nonfiction “excavation” of L.A.

Davis, whose book has been nominated for a National Book Critics Circle Award, seems to mean the phrase in a gloomy “all-that-glitters-is-not-gold” sense.

Previous entries have included La-La Land (possibly derived from the Stevie Wonder song, “Land of La La”), El Lay (origin unknown), Cuckooland (Will Rogers), Moronia (H.L. Mencken), Double Dubuque (publicist Rufus Blair), and El Diablo (commonly heard during the pueblo’s lawless era in the mid-1800s).

Whatever, one description is clearly outmoded. The old Samson Tire Works, the Assyrian palace along the Santa Ana Freeway, has been converted to an office/retail complex. So Angelenos can’t boast, as a Chamber of Commerce official declared at the opening of the tire factory in 1929:

“Los Angeles is now the Akron of the West.”

List of the Day:

The time may be approaching when “Adults Only” sections of the freeways will have to be designated to protect the young and innocent from such billboards as these current offerings:

1. “Don’t Go to Bed ‘Til You’ve Scored” (cable TV sports program).

2. “Score Every Night at 10” (same program).

3. “Female Hot Cream Wrestling” (a nightclub).

4. “Learn to Hold It Until You Get to the Can” (state anti-littering campaign).

5. “Think of Them as Hush Puppies in Heat” (cowboy boots).

6. “Screw the Rules” (radio station).

One “Screw the Rules” ad, by the way, can still be seen downtown off the Santa Monica Freeway. It’s on the side of the California Driving School building. Inspiring.

miscelLAny:

In 1913, the Automobile Club of Southern California said of the state’s crowded highways: “California now leads all other states in the number of automobiles owned, according to population, there being one car to every 28 inhabitants.”