MOVIE REVIEW : Male Bonding Unglued in Disappointing ‘Queens Logic’

Remember all the good times we think we had, the questionably rosy glow we paste on our pasts? In “Queens Logic” (Beverly Center Cineplex, AMC Century 14), writer-actor Tony Spiridakis ransacks his reveries, brings back the old gang--as wedding bells may partially be breaking them up. But he can’t shake the trap of nostalgia. He can’t make his memories breathe.

Spiridakis, and director Steve Rash (“The Buddy Holly Story”), and an uncommonly gifted cast, obviously want us to feel the juice of old friendships, recapture the special street dirt, rhythm and nervy intimacy of Queens itself. The movie’s dominating image is the Hellgate Bridge: both crossway to a better life, and a test of male prowess. In the two key scenes, Al the stud (Joe Mantegna) tries twice to climb a rope that has been dangling, apparently forever, from the girders.

Al may or may not make it, but the movie sure doesn’t. “Queens Logic” should be funny, pungent, poignant, but somehow it keeps turning strident and sentimental. It’s not that the incidents are false--many seem obviously plucked from life--but they’re written and played false: too large, too broad, too planted with meaning.

Spiridakis’ main characters are five ex-roommates, only one of them married, and another about to be--maybe. This quintet is diverse: There’s a swaggering, toothpick-chewing Al, Hollywood trumpeter Dennis (Kevin Bacon), struggling Manhattan actor Vinnie (Spiridakis), idealistic painter Ray (Ken Olin) and dour Eliot (John Malkovich), who works in the fish business with Al. Eliot is the movie’s most curious, and revealing, character; a homosexual who is both celibate and something of a homophobe, he seems to simultaneously subvert and reaffirm all the male-bonding cliches.

Al’s marriage is on the skids. Dennis and Vinnie are inveterate womanizers. These are all undomesticated men, in full male-bonding flower. The movie shows them bar-hopping, hoop-shooting or skinny-dipping; then it shifts down into moments of soul-baring or scenes where the women--Al’s infuriated wife Carla (Linda Fiorentino) and Ray’s Patricia (Chloe Webb)--talk about what little boys these guys are. There seems to be a double spin: as if Spiridakis wanted to celebrate the old testosterone camaraderie and show us he had risen above it; while also showing how great Queens and the old gang are.

The worst speech in the movie is Webb’s flabbergasting “I am Queens” elegy. After catching her husband-to-be Ray in partial flagrante delicto, Webb’s Patricia announces fervently that she is Queens, that Queens will always be there, hovering around to keep you from acting like a jerk. Yeah? What about the variations? “I am Long Island?” “I am Oshkosh?” You’ve got to hand it to Webb; she brings off this farcically pompous paean, without cracking a smile.

There is a latent opportunism in Spiridakis’ conceptions. He always goes for big moments, zingers. The script for “Queens Logic” is like a string of actors showcase scenes designed to show off emotion or conflict or funny shtick--and, until the last half, a long well-staged bachelor party sequence, it lacks coherence.

The non-Queens members of the cast often don’t seem relaxed into the rhythms: Bacon in particular seems to be braying Queens at us as if it were seven choruses of “Tequila.” There isn’t a bad or slack acting job in the movie, but only Malkovich and Jamie Lee Curtis give fully realized performances.

Director Rash obviously buys into this material; his staging has lots of energy, warmth and detail. And “Queens Logic” is an unusually good-looking and sounding movie. Cinematographer Amir Mokri’s palette is gritty and luminous; the rock score tingles; the actors chomp into their roles like street corner pepperoni slices. But the overall effect is slight and skittery.

Much of “Queens Logic” (MPAA rated R, for language and partial nudity) seems to be about selling your buddies and your life to the dream factory, making them play or pay. And remember: Queens is always watching you.

‘Queens Logic’

Joe Mantegna: Al

Kevin Bacon: Dennis

John Malkovich: Eliot

Linda Fiorentino: Carla

A New Visions Pictures presentation of a Stuart Oken, Russ Smith production, released by Seven Arts, through New Line Cinema. Director Steve Rash. Producers Russ Smith, Stuart. Executive producers Taylor Hackford, Stuart Benjamin. Screenplay by Tony Spiridakis. Cinematographer Amir Mokri. Editor Patrick Kennedy. Costumes Linda Bass. Music Joe Jackson, Gary Goetzman, Susan Boyle. Production design Edward Pisoni. Art director Okowita. Set decorator Marcie Dale. With Ken Olin, Chloe Webb, Tony Spiridakis, Jamie Lee Curtis, Tom Waits. Running time: 1 hour, 56 minutes.

MPAA-rated R (Language, partial nudity.).