From Cher’s ‘Video Canteen’ to Desert Storm

When it comes to ripped jeans, spandex merry widows, black lace panties and other MTV fashion, less is more, especially when it comes to Cher.

So when MTV’s VH-1 network proposed having the outrageous pop star entertain U.S. soldiers stationed in Saudi Arabia via a two-hour Armed Forces TV and Radio special called “Cher’s Video Canteen,” you can imagine the first question on everybody’s lips.

What is Cher possibly going to wear?

But Cher and the artists whose videos are featured on the VH-1 special, “Cher’s Video Canteen,” had to abide by a set of strict standards set in deference to Saudi religious customs in order to receive Armed Forces clearance.

The list of prohibitions, according to an MTV memo obtained by Pop Eye, includes airing images featuring the consumption of alcoholic beverages, pictures of pigs, showing affection to dogs, public displays of affection between members of the opposite sex and any visuals of people in swimsuits, tank-tops, above-the-knee skirts or religious jewelry.

So much for any Madonna videos.

Or David Lee Roth’s “California Girls.” Or the B-52’s’ “Love Shack.” Or Phil Collins’ “Something Happened on the Way to Heaven.”

“It’s amazing that in 1991 you can still have two cultures that are so far apart,” explained “Video Canteen” executive producer Jackie Sharp, who said the Armed Forces Network has agreed to air the special “sometime” in mid-February (VH-1 will show it March 2).

“When I first talked to the Armed Forces Network people, they told me, ‘Geez, our rules are pretty strict.’ We just said, ‘Show us your rules. We’ll make it work.’ But it was a challenge. I don’t know if I could come up with 22 more hit videos that would fit.”

Unable to air most of Cher’s own videos, Sharp opted for a montage from her best-known clips. Even the outfit Cher chose to wear when she taped introductions to the 22 videos at her Malibu home posed a problem.

“She wore jeans with the knees ripped out, which we didn’t think would make it (past Army censors), so she came up with a great solution,” Sharp said. “She took a ‘Desert Storm’ T-shirt and held it in front of her knees, even when she got up to walk around.”

Sharp assigned an assistant to screen potential videos, armed with an Armed Forces standards sheet. If a clip couldn’t be shown in its entirety, Sharp dropped it.

“It got pretty mind-boggling,” she said. “We found ourselves in the editing room arguing whether this Bette Midler video had less of a plunging neckline than that one. You began to feel pretty ridiculous. But it shows how something that can be taken for granted in one culture can be offensive in another one. And I’m not just talking about MTV. More than half of American TV commercials would never make it past a Saudi censor.”

Artists who did make the cut included Janet Jackson, whose “Rhythm Nation” video will be shown, along with Van Halen’s “Jump,” Bruce Springsteen’s “Fire” and Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al.” Sharp gave a rundown on how some of today’s other video stars fared:

Paula Abdul: “No way. Her outfits were too short, too tight, too revealing.”

Wilson Philips: “Too many crop-tops and short dresses. When they hit the beach in their ‘Hold On’ video, forget it.”

Phil Collins: “We couldn’t use ‘On the Way to Heaven’ because half the video has a dog in it.”

Mariah Carey: “Not a chance. She never wears a dress that would be long enough.”

Whitney Houston: “We couldn’t even air her VH-1 promo, because she had holes in her knees too. Women’s fashions really drove us crazy in the editing room.”

George Michael: “ ‘Faith’ got us into another crazy issue, because guys can wear ripped jeans but girls can’t. We didn’t have a problem with Bobby McFerrin’s ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ video, even though he doesn’t wear a shirt at all. But we lost a great Billy Joel video because it had a shot with some Vegas showgirls in the background.”