Parade to End All Parades, and Ending at Disneyland

Un-tie those yellow ribbons from the old oak tree.

It’s been seven long months; do you still want me?

The ribbons are coming undone and America is about to throw itself a party, and as long as we’re at it, Orange County might as well throw the biggest one.

President Bush says this isn’t a time for euphoria or gloating, and I like his sentiments. But methinks it’s a serious misreading of the citizenry.

Everything about the Persian Gulf War--the daily portrayals of Saddam Hussein, the ongoing threat of chemical weapons, the early talk of thousands of casualties, the threat of a wider Arab-Israeli-allies war--has all contributed to a pent-up anxiety in the public.

And as the shrinks will tell you, it’s not good to hold that stuff in. We must let it out. You don’t win a war and say, ‘Ho-hum, glad that’s over. Pass the butter.’

No, we must party.

We must party on a scale that adequately expresses gratitude for the sacrifices that the armed forces made. And we need to show some feelings for the tortured families and friends back here, numbering in the thousands, who kissed their loved ones goodby not knowing if they would ever see them again.

With the large contingent of military men and women from Southern California, it’s only right that Orange County host the parade.

I’m doing some doodling here on a piece of paper. The idea is taking shape.

I picture a fleet of convertibles, all donated by various area car dealers. The number is negotiable, but it should be at least 50. Every car would carry someone who served in the Gulf War. Absolutely no public officials involved unless Norman Schwarzkopf or Colin Powell want to come.

Every branch of the service should be invited, preferably in uniform, and it would be a nice touch if some of the spouses got to ride in the parade. If there’s one overriding, joyous mental image I have of this war, it’s that most military spouses and children will be going to parades instead of funerals.

Maybe we should get 100 cars. What is the record for the longest parade?

The only question is the actual parade route.

Where could people go and really be happy and have it be distinctly Orange County?

Hmmm. Think happy.

Happy. Happy. Real happy. Happy people. Happy place. Real happy place. Happier than other places. Happiest place. Happiest place in Orange County. Happiest place in California. . . .

Zounds!

It’s gotta be Disneyland!

What better place to welcome home the troops than Main Street All right, all right, Dan, you can ride in one of the convertibles.

I’m getting flush just trying to put this thing together. Disneyland isn’t big enough to handle the entire parade route, so it’ll have to start somewhere else.

Not my house. Hmmm.

OK, the Civic Center in Santa Ana. Let’s just work out a route here on a piece of paper. . . .

Start at Civic Center to symbolize government. Proceed west on Civic Center Drive to Fairview Street (I think that cuts through). Turn north on Fairview up to Garden Grove Boulevard. Go west on Garden Grove Boulevard to Harbor Boulevard and then head due north to Disneyland, ending inside the park with the biggest fireworks extravaganza in the history of the world!

Just picture the throngs along Harbor Boulevard, waving those little flags and cheering their little heads off. There’d be no pent-up anxiety after this parade.

I don’t see how Disneyland could turn this down. It would attract national TV coverage and give the park its first chance to acknowledge that the war was actually going on the past six weeks.

They’d have to shut the park down for a while (everyone would get in free for the parade procession), but I bet they’d do it.

I’ve done my bit. The parade route is negotiable, but it must end at Disneyland.

This would be the mother of all parades.

I don’t know about you, but I’m psyched. I’ve probably been brainwashed by Norman Schwarzkopf.

As Bart Simpson said to Homer, “Dad, you’re succumbing to mob mentality.”

“No, I’m not,” Homer replied, “I’m just jumping on the bandwagon.”

Me, too, Homer. Which way to the bandwagon?

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, Calif. 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.

HAPPY TIMES AHEAD: Returning warriors can expect a nationwide celebration. A13

U.S.A.? President Bush might even come out for it, and if he doesn’t, you know Dan Quayle would. He loves to come to Orange County.