NONFICTION - March 3, 1991

ADULT CHILDREN OF DIVORCE: Breaking the Cycle and Achieving Success in Love, Marriage, and Family by Edward W. Beal and Gloria Hochman (Delacorte Press: $18.95; 315 pp.) and ADULT CHILDREN OF DIVORCE SPEAK OUT: About Growing Up With--and Moving Beyond--Divorce by Claire Berman (Simon & Schuster: $18.95; 251 pp.). Encouraging cohabitation before marriage, the ‘60s Sexual Revolution promised to end all of those awkward unions where couples knew each other only superficially before tying the knot. But rather than marking a new era of marital harmony, subsequent decades had the highest rate of divorce ever. Why? Because the ‘60s also introduced a “no-fault divorce psychology,” according to psychiatrist Edward Beal and writer Gloria Hochman, that led us to view divorce blandly, as merely another way to resolve conflict. Their account is not without the oafish sentences that seem requisite in the self-help genre (“During courtship . . . couples spend as much time together as possible”), but it often manages to find the elusive wellsprings of pain that can flow from divorce, such as Mom’s subtle scorn toward a son who reminds her of Dad. Claire Berman’s book, in contrast, emphasizes that divorce can be beneficial--helping children become more responsible, empathic and independent--though it acknowledges that the experience also can lead to mistrust, fear of commitment and lack of self-esteem. This modest book doesn’t live up to its subtitle’s promise of suggesting how to “move beyond” divorce, but its poignant case histories will show many readers that they are not alone.