Some Words May Bug You, but No Need for a SigAlert

I am sometimes applauded for my essays in behalf of good English, but I take no credit for saving it from vandalism.

English is indestructible. It has become the language of the globe. It can be killed only by some global upheaval, the destruction of Western culture; it cannot be done in by barbarians hacking at its parts.

If I sometimes point out what I consider doublespeak, gobbledygook, tautology or simply incorrect usage, I am not alarmed; merely amused. Most of them will probably become a part of the language and in fact strengthen it.

If I may employ a usage that I despise, they will impact it.

However, it is good sport to fight them before they become viable.

Brian Alexander, who identifies himself as a gardener and “a relatively uneducated man,” writes to complain about three words that “rub me the wrong way.” (To rub the wrong way is a term that came in the back door but is now honored by a definition in the dictionary, although identified as slang: to be annoying, irritating etc.)

Alexander notes first that he is bugged (a synonym for rubbed the wrong way) by the use of deadlocked for tied . “I keep hearing sportscasters use deadlock as in ‘We’re in the third inning deadlocked at 2 apiece.’ Common sense, as well as Funk & Wagnall’s,” he argues, “says that deadlock means a standstill or stoppage of activity resulting from the unrelenting opposition of equally powerful forces.”

He is right, of course, but if sportscasters could be persuaded to drop any of their pet solecisms, deadlocked would not be high on my list.

Alexander also hates the use of gridlock as used by newscasters to describe a freeway traffic stop or slowdown. He points out that a gridlock is a traffic jam that involves a grid--that is, a square of streets that run parallel or perpendicular to one another. (These are caused by the jerks who drive into intersections when there is not enough room ahead for them to clear the intersection before the light changes.)

Again, he is technically correct, but there is probably little hope of restoring the word to its original narrow meaning.

Alexander is also bugged by SigAlert, which he couldn’t find in his dictionary: “It is used by radio announcers to describe some sort of traffic problem, but it is never clear to me what we’re supposed to do about it. Do we slow down, take an alternate route, stay home?”

Alexander says he has called his radio station several times and never received an intelligible answer. “Am I the only one in the audience who, upon hearing a term which is not in the English language, feels that the user owes us an explanation?”

I called Bill (Skinny) Keene, the KNX traffic and weatherman. He said it means a street closure caused by a traffic accident. In the beginning it meant any big news story or disaster. SigAlert means that an alternate route is advisable, but my experience has been that you can’t get there that way.

Meanwhile, Edward H. Moss complains about “I don’t think so,” arguing that it’s impossible not to think. Instead, he says, one should say “I think not,” though he concedes that no one but him will do it.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with “I don’t think so” or with “I don’t think” in reference to anything one doesn’t think. To say “I don’t think pigs are stupid” is not to say “I don’t think.” When we say “I don’t eat eggs,” we don’t mean that we don’t eat at all. We only mean that we eat eggs not.

Allen Kramer complains about “a cold stein of beer” and “a good (or hot) cup of coffee.” “I was taught,” he says, “that the importance was on the quality of the brew and not the container holding it. Am I wrong? Is it assumed we know the meaning regardless of the position of the modifier?”

I don’t think Kramer’s point is valid. Again, I vote for idiom. We think of a cup of coffee or a stein of beer as an amount of coffee or beer--all of which is either hot or cold. When we say a cup of coffee we mean the coffee, not the cup. We are no more likely to say a cup of hot coffee than we are to say “I think not.”

Language has its own genius. Grammar is logical. But sometimes idiom supplants grammar in the interest of ease or clarity, and the language is served.

Of course, despite Alexander’s doubts, there are those who will say “I think not” and “a cup of hot coffee”; but are they speaking better English than the rest of us?

I think not.