NBA FINALS : LAKERS vs. CHICAGO BULLS : Vlade You Know About That? He Can Write, Too

Good morning, America. I am Vlade. I am guest in your country. I play basketball for Lakers. Today I write “guest column” for man who is usually here. His name Michael, but we call him Air. Is big joke.

I have friend named Mychal on team. He say other Michaels do not know how to spell. He write “guest column” for newspaper when we play Portland. I think is great, so I write guest column also. What a country.

Well, we not have good time Friday. We think we have Chicago Bulls beaten, on basket by me. I pick up ball from floor, throw it into hoop. Bull foul me, I make free throw. We up by two points. We have game in what you call bag.

Then, uh oh, we not win game. This Jordan who play for Bulls, he do one of his funny things. That man make shot standing on head. I think perhaps he is not human being.

Michael Jordan big hero in my country, just like Magic Johnson big hero in my country. They bigger heroes in my country than I am in my country. And my country not big country like this country. I think everyone now watch us in every country.

I wish my friend Toni here now. Chicago try to sign my friend Toni Kukoc from Yugoslav national team to play this season with Michael and Bulls. I think if Toni come to Chicago, he make Michael sit on bench! Ha! I make joke.

People try tell me Toni play just like Magic. Only thing Toni do same as Magic is have same job. Toni decide to play in Italy and not play in NBA. I think he make big mistake. To play in Italy not like playing with Magic. Is same as to play with Orlando Magic. Ha! I make another joke. I am on roll.

Magic and I very good friends. But sometime he give me loud yell. He say: “Vlade, you not do that.” Or he say: “Vlade, you not do this.” I am better basketball player because Magic give me loud yell, although often my ears, they hurt.

He get mad because sometime I do not “keep head in game.” Is just that I have much fun out there. When I make basket, I wish to blow kiss to crowd. I wish to slap hands with man who fight with Batman in movie. I must remember this “keep head in game” thing. Is important.

Everyone like me in “L.A.,” and I like everyone back. They give me big cheer when I make excellent move to basket. They applaud when I do dunk slam. Sometime when I do hook shot with left hand, I think they not like me anymore. But mostly they like I try hard.

How am I doing with guest column so far? Is good?

Anyhow, I am playing in Game 2 in Chicago when all of sudden I look up and who is guarding me but the Michael Jordan! I say: “Whoa, you sure you have right person?” He say: “Come on, big fella.” So OK, I say OK. No problem. I put big move on Michael Jordan, he say: “Whoa! Is it shoes?” He is funny for opponent.

I am thinking we have game won Friday when we ahead 13 points. I am having excellent night and center from Chicago, he is not having excellent night. In fact, I am not sure Chicago even have center in game. Again I joke. This Cartwright, he big horse. Once he give me elbow in throat, I think maybe I swallow apple of Adam.

Then these Bulls, they play big fourth quarter. We stop this little Paxson who look like boy who mop up sweat from floor with towel, and we have their man Pippen with many fouls, so I am thinking game is over. But is not. Is never over until overweight woman sings.

Mychal Thompson tell me that one.

Ten seconds left in game, I take ball and bang off glass board and win game for Lakers, no problem. I foul out Pippen at same time and say: “ Dobro vece , Scottie. Good night! Zbogom! Goodby!” He go out and Magic put on me big hug like bear. I hear he hug Kareem like this first day in NBA and scare Kareem to half-death. Is good hug, though.

Well, I should perhaps have know this Michael Jordan he would not take no for answer. I make free throw and Magic say: “OK, we stop now Michael Jordan.” But that is, how you say, more difficult done than said.

Michael, he come down and make shot, and that is end for us. We are playing the overtime, but not so well. This Chicago man Horace Grant who wear same welding mask like James Worthy and Kareem, he shoot shot that breaks back of camel for us. And all of sudden I no longer say: “No problem.” I say: “Uh oh. Problem.”

Byron say Michael taunt us but I not think so. What Michael do after making basket no worse than when I blow the kisses. So I ask fans of Forum to get off, please, back of Michael. He is OK guy with me. In fact, Michael speak nicer to me than Magic, so I like Michael better. Ha! Is my best joke yet.

Well, that is my guest column, so now I go play game, leave writing to other man. Is no problem. Is easy.