Collectors of Mickey Mouse and Spiro Agnew...

Collectors of Mickey Mouse and Spiro Agnew watches will be delighted to hear of the latest novelty item: The L.A. district attorney timepiece ($30 and up).

Proceeds from sales of the watch will pay for “(D.A.) office-wide social events and charity-giving,” a spokeswoman said.

Inasmuch as Dist. Atty. Ira Reiner’s office has suffered several notable setbacks in court in recent years, we expect to see ads for the watch that say:

“Takes a legal licking and keeps on ticking!”

Banned in Brentwood:

The Learning Center, which offers adult classes on the Westside, wishes to announce that, due to prostitution laws, it has been forced to cancel:

“How to Start and Run an Escort Service or Be an Escort,” by Sydney Biddle Barrows, the convicted socialite madam.

Instead, the scholarly seminar will be reorganized and renamed, “The Life of Sydney Biddle Barrows.”

Ms. Barrows is charging $34 for the three-hour session.

We dare you to wear your L.A. district attorney watch there.

Dumb Criminal Tricks:

The makers of the “Columbo” TV show transformed a vacant store on Wilshire Boulevard into a fake jewelry shop, complete with fake nameplate. After the first day of shooting, they left their fake jewels in the front window. That night, they were stolen--by real burglars.

Speaking of law enforcement, the safest daytime area of late is the 400 South Hope Building, which has been swarming with cops. “I see them pulling up in their cars and motorcycles and going inside all day long,” said Mark Leaf, who works nearby.

Why are they attracted to the Bunker Hill building? It houses the offices of O’Melveny & Myers Chairman Warren Christopher. The officers have been picking up individual copies of the hottest book in town, the Christopher Commission Report.

German Hernandez and Juan Jardinero wrote to take issue with another reader’s assertion that Figueroa is the only L.A. street name that contains the vowels a , e , i , o and u .

On this point, we have to admit, Hernandez and Jardinero stand as tall as a Sequoia .

If he expects his coming autobiography to sell, L.A. Police Chief Daryl Gates needs to come up with a snappy title. Too bad L.A. novelist Raymond Chandler took the most obvious one:

“The Long Goodbye.”

miscelLAny:

Until the Board of Supervisors voted a name change, the Long Beach Freeway was slated to be called the Los Angeles River Freeway.