A By-the-Numbers Look at Angels, Rams . . . Etc.

Thought for the day:

“On paper, we’re probably the best balanced team in the West.”

--Angel CEO Richard Brown,

July 21

And some others . . .

Top 10 Reasons Why The Angels Are In Last Place This Morning:

1. They can’t beat the Seattle Mariners at home.

2. They can’t beat the Cleveland Indians at home.

3. They can’t beat any team whose nickname ends in “s” at home.

4. They moved Scott Lewis into the starting rotation too soon.

5. They moved Fernando Valenzuela into the starting rotation too late.

6. Mike Port’s Richard Brown voodoo doll is working.

7. They received bad information about Mike Marshall; thought he was the one who pitched.

8. They received bad information about Dave Parker; thought he was the one who hit.

9. They’re still in shock about Pee-wee Herman.

10. They want to keep the Rams company.

What The Rest of the AL West Is Doing Right:

Minnesota Twins: Sign Chili Davis’ paychecks.

Chicago White Sox: Go with a youth movement and stick to it.

Oakland A’s: Go out and get what they need (Ron Darling, Brook Jacoby), rather than what’s available (Mike Marshall, Shawn Abner).

Texas Rangers: Know how to keep Nolan Ryan and Brian Downing happy.

Seattle Mariners: Know how to run a farm system.

Kansas City Royals: Never give up hope because sooner or later, you know the Angels will.

It’s Aug. 5, 1991. Do You Know Where the Angels’ ‘Infield Of The ‘90s’ Is?

First base--Wally Joyner. Still hitting .300, still hitting in Anaheim, but for how much longer? After six years of this, October free agency is beginning to look like a life preserver.

Second base--Mark McLemore. Didn’t make it through 1989. Traded to Cleveland for Ron Tingley, whose .207 batting average was in the Angels’ starting lineup Sunday.

Shortstop--Dick Schofield. Has hit one home run (June 9, 1990) since July, 1989.

Third base--Jack Howell. Traded to San Diego last week for Shawn Abner. Li’l Abner? His major league batting averages, pre-Angels: 1987--.277; 1988--.181; 1989--.176; 1990--.245; 1991--.165.

“We Put The Lineup That Has The Best Chance of Winning On The Field Every Day” and Other Old Wives’ Tales:

The Angels’ batting order for Saturday, Aug. 3:

Sojo, 2b

Rose, lf

Winfield, dh

Marshall, 1b

Gaetti, 3b

Parrish, c

Gallagher, rf

Abner, cf

Schofield, ss

Final score: Seattle 9, Angels 3. After six innings, the Angels had two hits. After seven innings, they had 11 strikeouts.

The Five Most Amazing Things About the Rams’ 38-17 Loss to the Atlanta Falcons:

1. The Falcons fumbled three times and still scored 38 points.

2. The Rams fumbled eight times and still scored 17 points.

3. The Rams fumbled eight times and Cleveland Gary didn’t play.

4. The Rams attempted eight punts and seven of them weren’t blocked.

5. Jacksonville is still considering NFL expansion.

Top Four Claims Jeff Fisher Could Make After The 4-3’s First Test Drive:

1. “The first touchdown wasn’t our fault.” (Atlanta safety Tracey Eaton returns fumble 20 yards.)

2. “The second touchdown wasn’t our fault.” (Atlanta cornerback Bobby Butler recovers blocked punt in end zone.)

3. “We shut them out in the fourth quarter.”

4. “We sure could use Todd Lyght.”

Jimmy Connors, on Michael Chang--or, One Scrappy Little Guy With a Heart The Size of California On One Scrappy Little Guy With a Heart The Size of California:

“Is there one guy out there that I would like to have play for my life? If my head was on the chopping block, who would I call up to have play for my life? That really makes you think . . .

“Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have had a problem. I would take McEnroe, for sure, and before that, I would take Pancho Gonzalez, because of their attitudes. They might not have been the best players at the time, but their attitudes would have kept them in the match.

“Today, I’d probably take Chang. He’s got a great reputation of going out and grinding and it’s never over until they beat him to death. He’s young, he’s strong, he can run, he can hit the shots and he can stay out there all day. You can’t ask for more than that.”

I could.

I’d want to know if Chang was playing Stefano Pescolido. Chang is 0-2 the last two weeks against Pescolido and in the game Connors suggests, you can’t afford to go 0-1.

Great Minds Think Alike, Sometimes Very Slowly:

The Angels need a fifth starting pitcher.

From the first day of spring training, Floyd Bannister has said he’d like to be a starting pitcher.

The Angels all but bankrupted their season using Scott Lewis, Fernando Valenzuela, Joe Grahe and Mike Fetters as their fifth starting pitcher.

A 16-game winner as recently as 1987 and a major league starting pitcher as recently as 1989, Bannister sat in the bullpen and waited and watched through April, May, June and July.

Now, the Angels say they want to try Bannister as their fifth starting pitcher, but he hasn’t pitched enough innings in Anaheim, so they’re sending him to Palm Springs to build up endurance.

Maybe they should have thought of this a little sooner? Like, say, back in May, around the same time they sent Fernando to Palm Springs? Back when the Angels and the AL West race still had something in common?

What ‘61*’ Really Means:

1. Fernando Valenzuela’s age. (*According to various National League scouting reports.)

2. Combined earned-run average of Angel fifth starters. (*Where have you gone, Urbano Lugo?)

3. Number of points Rams could have allowed Saturday night. (*Chris Miller and Andre Rison didn’t play.)

4. The year the American League expanded from eight to 10 teams. (*And isn’t Gene Autry sorry?)