Remember the Days When Teen-Agers Were Just Kids?

Somebody should write a book: “Teen-Agers: The Problem That Won’t Go Away.”

I know, I know, teen-ager-bashing is old stuff. (See the movie, “Teen-age Zombies,” 1957.) Yes, but something strange is going on, generation gap-wise.

Saturday night: Saw “Forever Plaid” at Old Globe. Audience loved it; funny lines, great singing, lots of 1950s cultural chords being strummed.

Great stuff, but a standing ovation?

The only conclusion is that the fortysomething-and-upward audience is applauding a time when teen-agers were just an age group rather than a cult devoted to strange behavior and even stranger music.

The program even encouraged such thoughts: noting that the 1950s were the last time teens and their parents actually listened to the same music.

After that it was all downhill, directly to Megadeth.

Sunday afternoon: Stood in long line to buy popcorn at Wiegand Plaza in Encinitas during “101 Dalmatians.”

Had time to study efficiency of different varieties of teen-age clerks. Decided that males with earrings are considerably slower than males without earrings or females with or without earrings.

Could it be that there is a nerve ending in the male earlobe that, if pierced, deprives the brain of oxygen?

Maybe Donald Norman, the UC San Diego professor who studies why things don’t work, can get a federal grant to examine this phenomenon.

Monday afternoon: A fellow brings a handbill to my home for a seminar put on by a doctor from Scripps Clinic: “Negotiating With Teen-Agers.”

Negotiating? What are they, a foreign power?

Tuesday: Talked to Bob Weaver, police chief in Holtville in Imperial County.

He’s thinking of rounding up teen-agers who violate curfew and making their parents pay to get them back. He figures it’ll solve the curfew and budget problems plaguing his hamlet of 4,400.

But what happens if parents don’t want their teen-agers back? Can they be held for 30 days and then, like unclaimed clothes at the dry cleaner, sold off to cover costs?

Details, details.

Pee-wee and Other Notables

Sights and sounds.

* “Free Pee-wee” T-shirts showing Pee-wee Herman behind bars are selling briskly at Chris’ Custom Airbrush in Mission Beach.

Some shirts include X-rated statements.

* Your government at work.

Yes, arrests like Pee-wee’s--man committing solo sex act in X-rated theater--occur in San Diego. Plainclothes cops regularly check the theaters for lewd acts.

“It’s something we see fairly often,” says vice squad Lt. David Bejarano.

* Rachael Ortiz and her gang-busting efforts as head of Barrio Station in San Diego will be featured on the season premiere of CBS’s “48 Hours” in September.

* The Urban League and former President Herb Cawthorne have reached an out-of-court settlement in the league’s suit against Cawthorne over a disputed $13,000.

By agreement, neither side will say if Cawthorne paid up.

* New signs at the Marriott Yacht Club behind the San Diego Convention Center say the area is patrolled by guards with dogs: “For Your Protection.”

* Workers at the downtown courthouse are still puzzled by the signs over the restrooms during the recent plumbing repair: “Minimal Use Requested.”

* Mayor Maureen O’Connor wrote the lead piece for Tuesday’s op-ed page of the New York Times, about her meet-the-mayor sessions for regular people:

“I have spent 20 years in politics and learned that nothing is as deadly as meetings full of developers, land-use lawyers and bureaucrats.”

* Carlsbad bumper sticker, near the Army-Navy Academy: “My Kid Flunked Out of the Army-Navy Academy.”

Finance and Fashion

Yuppie apotheosis.

Merrill Lynch and Nordstrom are doing joint seminars at the latter’s store in Horton Plaza:

“Learn how to blend your business and personal style to make intelligent, sophisticated and creative financial and fashion statements.”