Notes on a Scorecard
Guaranteed to happen in the NFL this season:
A $500,000-a-year veteran will outplay a $1.5 million-a-year rookie. . . .
Al Davis will be first runner-up for induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. . . .
Phil Simms will regain his job. . . .
A prevent defense will prevent a touchdown, but nobody will write about it. . . .
When Bill Parcells decides to return to coaching, NBC will be scooped. . . .
Victor Kiam will embarrass himself and the human race. . . .
A wild and crazy special teams player will become a cult figure. . . .
Fred Edelstein will reveal that the Raiders are moving back to Oakland. . . .
Dan Henning of the San Diego Chargers will be the first coach fired. . . .
Dallas Cowboy wide receiver Alvin Harper from Tennessee will be NFC rookie of the year. . . .
New England Patriot running back Leonard Russell from Arizona State will be AFC rookie of the year. . . .
Georgia Frontiere will lead the league in signing autographs. . . .
William (Refrigerator) Perry will become known as Michael Dean Perry’s brother. . . .
Nobody will say that an offensive tackle is in a slump. . . .
Compared to baseball, games will seem quick. . . .
The Rams will wish they had traded for Lee Williams. . . .
Owners will complain about instant replay and then vote to keep it. . . .
A slow, 5-foot-10, 180-pound wide receiver will be among the league leaders in catches. . . .
Announcers will have trouble explaining the new interpretation of the in-the-grasp rule. . . .
A rookie won’t know who Pete Rozelle is. . . .
Wade Wilson will get hurt. . . .
Players and coaches will ask for the abolition of artificial turf. . . .
John Elway and Dan Reeves will have trouble communicating. . . .
The last month of the season, playoff possibilities will take up a full column in the newspaper. . . .
Dan Marino’s uniform won’t need cleaning. . . .
The best race among good teams will be in the NFC East. . . .
The best race among mediocre teams will be in the NFC Central. . . .
It will be determined that the run-and-shoot offense has been most successful at Houston--whether it be the NFL, the NCAA or the USFL. . . .
Elvis Presley will snub Jerry Glanville again. . . .
Nobody will remember who won the Pro Bowl last season. . . .
A Kansas City Chief back will lead the league in rushing. . . .
Warren Moon will pass for more than 500 yards, and the Houston Oilers will lose the game. . . .
On a 25-degree afternoon, a broadcaster sitting in a warm booth will say that it’s a perfect day for football. . . .
Jeff Fisher’s new, aggressive Ram defense will look great one minute and lousy the next. . . .
Barry Sanders will be the best runner in the league. . . .
Visiting teams will complain that it’s too hot to play at Phoenix in September. . . .
Randall Cunningham will win a game that he shouldn’t. . . .
Randall Cunningham will lose a game that he shouldn’t. . . .
Mike Ditka will badmouth the Chicago Bears. . . .
Eric Dickerson’s honeymoon with the Indianapolis Colts will end. . . .
There will be a quarterback controversy in San Francisco. . . .
Jim Mora’s New Orleans Saint offense will be too conservative. . . .
A running back who gains 1,000 yards will be immortalized for averaging 62.5 yards a game. . . .
Jerry Seeman, the new supervisor of officials, will make a ruling with a smile on his face. . . .
Andre Waters will injure somebody with a questionable hit. . . .
The Coliseum scoreboard clock won’t work. . . .
The Green Bay Packers will win the best-dressed award. . . .
Jay Schroeder will throw an interception after completing 15 consecutive passes and get booed off the field at the Coliseum. . . .
Cincinnati, Buffalo, the Raiders, San Francisco, Washington and Minnesota will win divisional championships. . . .
Buffalo and Washington will win conference championships. . . .
Buffalo will win the Super Bowl on a Scott Norwood field goal.