REPORT CARD / T.J. SIMERS : Chill Factor Hits San Diego

D / QUARTERBACKS: Question: Which will come first? Snow in the Rockies or a win with John Friesz as starter? Not fair? OK, which comes first, snow in San Diego or a win with Friesz?

A / RUNNING BACKS: Rod Bernstine has been team’s MVP. Marion Butts’ TD run is magical, and Ronnie Harmon dazzles. Why draft Eric Bieniemy? Maybe he can play defense?

D / RECEIVERS: The Chargers insist that Derrick Walker will be issued a pair of hands before next week’s game. Hopefully, they won’t be the same pair used by Anthony Miller.

D / OFFENSIVE LINE: Imagine asking Alex Spanos to be patient. Or Ted Leitner to be serious. No more ridiculous than asking these guys to pass block.

F / DEFENSIVE LINE: You think Burt Grossman is one of those guys who stands up in an airplane before they turn off the seat belt sign? Yo, Burt, don’t move until the ball’s snapped.

F / LINEBACKERS: Sit down, Junior Seau, the seat belt sign hasn’t been turned off yet. Gaston Green had never rushed for an NFL TD. The Chargers are so willing to help the downtrodden.

D / DEFENSIVE BACKS: It’s clever how the Chargers can figure out so many ways to leave receivers so wide open. They didn’t even have to play Anthony Shelton.

B+ / SPECIAL TEAMS: Holy field goal, the team’s offense is back on track. Kickoff and punt teams have to produce big plays, though, if Chargers expect to make playoffs.

F / COACHING: New England has two wins!