Look Who’s Writing: Now that Mikhail Gorbachev...

Look Who’s Writing: Now that Mikhail Gorbachev has a little more free time on his hands, he’s going to write a book about his summer vacation and the failed August coup. According to his spokesman, Andrei Grachev, the manuscript was submitted to publishers on Monday. As for the delicious details, “I believe the book will contain an article on which Mr. Gorbachev was working on during his vacation in the Crimea,” Grachev said. “In that article, he described a possible coup d’etat that could happen in the Soviet Union.”

Only in Vegas: At the 110th National Funeral Directors Assn. convention, a man wearing a sandwich board handed out invitations to a rock ‘n’ roll party sponsored by a burial vault company. A nationwide shipper was giving away decks of cards along with a brochure warning: “Today there are too many jokers in our businesses for you to gamble on a little-known shipping service.” But the highlight surely was “A Casket Fit for a King”--an Egyptian sarcophagus made of steel-reinforced fiberglass, painted gold and adorned with artwork. And it’s all yours for $7,500. In case you’re worried about storage, the makers, Don and Margaret Northway of Genoa, Nev., offer a “pre-need” model that converts to a bar until it’s needed.

Chicago Royalty: So dontcha know Princess Margaret was in Chicago Tuesday for the dedication of the Chicago Botanic Garden’s $2.8-million English-style garden, designed by British landscaper John Brookes. The garden’s supposed to bring some “English heritage to America,” so the garden folk brought in a princess.

Dogs Beware: It looks like man’s best friend has been replaced in Lincoln, Neb. Seems some would-be burglars were about to go on an illegal shopping spree at an automotive business when they were turned away by a lot of chatter on the other side of the door. If they had stuck around long enough, they would have discovered that the talkers were a pair of parrots.