Memo to Space Command on Planet Zoox:Our...

Memo to Space Command on Planet Zoox:

Our guidebooks are sadly outdated.

We touched down on Earth in an inhabited area called Glendale. We had read that the creatures who live there are of a uniform cultural type; that they drive cars with fins, eat roast beef and mashed potatoes, and would never, never sing Armenian songs to a mariachi accompaniment, like the group of celebrants who greeted our saucer.

We gave them the Zooxian salute--rubbing our stomachs and licking our lips--and said, “Take us to your leader.”

“Have a kosher burrito,” they answered.

It turns out that Glendale is in the throes of Cultural Diversity Month, including a festival Wednesday that we landed in the middle of. It was, if Space Command will forgive the cliche, a whole new world.

We request an extension of our mission to attend the City Employees International Potluck at noon Friday at Parcher Plaza at City Hall, 613 E. Broadway.

And the Days of the Verdugos Parade, sponsored by the city and the Glendale Jaycees, at 10 a.m. Oct. 19. Bands, floats and celebrities will march north on Brand Boulevard from Broadway to the 134 Freeway.

And the Days of the Verdugos Carnival, Oct. 24-27 at Verdugo Park, 1621 La Canada Blvd. Admission is $1, which we hope you will beam us as soon as possible.

In fact, Glendale is such a friendly place that we feel a little sad to be the only aliens here.

Next year we want our own booth.