Keep Your Shirt On

David Bowie is touring with his band, Tin Machine. And in keeping with its garage image, he has replaced the Armani suits of his previous fashion incarnation with a clean, white T-shirt rolled up at the sleeves, jeans, a greased pompadour and slim sideburns. Midway throughhis set at the Palladium last week, (and on “Arsenio” the following night), he slipped a T-shirt over his head as if it were a hangman’s mask, sang a song through it, then performed the rest of the show bare-chested. Bowie, skeletally thin, vampire-white and over 40, should know better. Before he takes his shirt off on stage, he needs a trainer, some muscles and a tan.

* OLD ST. NIP: If all you want for Christmas is new front teeth, a face lift or any other cosmetic-medical procedure, the country’s first in-mall aesthetic surgery/dentistry information shop opened last month. It’s the brainchild of three marketing-savvy doctors: plastic surgeon Richard Ellenbogen, dermatologist Eric Lewis and dentist Cary Schwartz. No, the doctors aren’t there (they’re in their L.A. and Beverly Hills offices doing the work), but videos, booklets, brochures and a full-of-facts receptionist are. Though the attendant can’t give medical or dental advice, she will book a complimentary consultation with one of the board-certified specialists. They are holding a holiday drawing for free collagen injections and teeth bleaching.

* MOVING PICTURES: Just in time for what looks like a lean holiday season, KROQ-FM deejay Jim Trenton, Poor Man to his fans, is banking on the idea that people need a good laugh. He’s launched a line of Poor Wear clothing, with tops decorated by drawings that will chase the blues away. One women’s T-shirt has flies buzzing around an empty handbag, and a toddler’s T shows a baby clad in sagging diapers and a beanie. Prices range from $10 to about $20. “We want to be the cheapest thing the stores have,” says Trenton. Nordstrom and Bullock’s carry the label.

* TELEPHONE ORDER BRIDE: Moviegoers who see “Father of the Bride,” the Steve Martin starrer that opens this week, can order more than just popcorn at the theater. Impetuous brides-to-be who covet the wedding dress worn by actress Kimberly Williams can run to a nearby pay phone and call Renee Strauss For The Bride in Beverly Hills to special-order it. The $4,500 duchesse satin gown with hand-embroidered Alencon lace and a chapel-length train was designed in conjunction with Touchstone Films costumer Susan Becker. Strauss is proud to report that she has a cameo role in the movie.

* BUDDY CAN YOU SPARE A CHESTERFIELD?: The folks at the Allen Edwards salons are asking their friends and customers to donate old, new or outgrown coats to the homeless. Collection sites will be open today and Saturday at Allen Edwards in Beverly Hills, Woodland Hills, Encino, Newport Beach, Irvine and Long Beach. Men’s, women’s and children’s coats will be accepted and delivered to the Los Angles Mission. According to a store spokesperson, some very big vicunas have already pledged their wraps--former First Couple Ron and Nancy Reagan, plus Mayor Tom Bradley.