In Terms of Medals, It’s Quality, Not Quantity

U nconventional wisdom for a Monday morning . . .

Albertville ‘92: For the United States, it was a better show than Calgary ‘88, but, really, by how much? There were more gold medals this time (five to two) and more medals overall (11 to six), but for that we can thank Bonnie Blair, our men and women in sequins and the inclusion of two new sports seemingly thrown to us out of pity. Freestyle mogul skiing? From Mammoth to Snow Summit, our training centers are jammed every weekend. Short-track speedskating? Shorter is better; you’ve heard about our work ethic. “So, let’s give the poor Americans a couple events they can actually win, shall we?” What next for Lillehammer ‘94? Four-man team mall-shopping?

George Steinbrenner: He came aboard after the Calgary disaster and come ‘92, we had two American men (Paul Wylie, Nelson Carmichael) medal--out of more than 200 participants. Welcome to our nightmare. Steinbrenner has turned the United States men’s Olympic team into the New York Yankees.

Ray LeBlanc: He faced 55 shots against the Unifieds. He faced 298 shots against the field, an average of more than 37 per game. He finished 5-2-1. No conspiracy theory here. He acted alone.

Eric Lindros: Quebec is trying to trade him to Toronto for the Maple Leafs’ first and second lines, the Maple Leafs’ first-round draft picks through the year 2001, the Skydome, the Rocket, Kelly Gruber, Joe Carter and Roberto Alomar . . . and all he gets is a silver?

The Unified hockey team: Barring a miracle, there will be only one way to stop the Unifieds in ’94. More secession.

The Czech hockey team: The Czechs beat the United States for the bronze medal and now we know why: Each player was promised a car if they won. Now we know why the final score was 6-1: U.S. officials reportedly made the same promise to Team USA, but the cars were American-made. Herschel Walker: He learned in Albertville what his coaches learned in Minnesota: It’s tough to push a sled.

Paul Coffey: A good trade for the Kings? Yes, better than the one for Jari Kurri, better yet if the back spasms disperse and stay away through May. But if collecting all of Wayne Gretzky’s old buddies is Bruce McNall’s idea of building a Stanley Cup contender--and it is, of course--what is the best old buddy of them all, Mark Messier, doing in New York?

Michael Chang: He moved to Nevada for the fishing and, presumably, not the chance to have dinner more often with Andre Agassi. Another thing Chang and Agassi now have in common: Today, the United States has two of the three top-ranked male tennis players in the world, and neither of them lives in Nevada. Jim Courier, of Dade City, Fla., is No. 1, Pete Sampras, of Bradenton, Fla., is No. 3. That’s the catch with being the Future of American Tennis--great perks, short shelf life.

Jim Harrick: Should he be paid as much as John MacLeod?

Duke: Bobby Hurley for MVP. In basketball, there is no more important position than point guard.

The Clippers: Unless it’s head coach.

The Lakers: “L.A. isn’t big enough for two NBA teams.” “Sooner or later, they’re going to tire of playing second fiddle.” “Why not get out of the shadow for good and come to Anaheim Arena?” “They could own Orange County.” The arguments are the same. Only the fax number has changed.

Donald Trump: He only wants to help rape victims . . . and Mike Tyson . . . and his ailing Trump Enterprises, which needs Tyson-Evander Holyfield in Atlantic City considerably more than Tyson ever would. Donald, is thy name vulgarian . . . or barbarian?

Plan B: It’s a great life, if you happen to be a placekicker. Time to move to Plan C.

The Angels: Sure, they have some big names. Al Davis, Charles Finley, Davey Johnson and Rose at second base.

Ryne Sandberg: He’d be another, although to get him, the Angels would have to be ready to part with Finley and Lee Stevens--and that’s just to get the Cubs to phone back. The Angels need to trade for Sandberg like they need a hole in their starting rotation, which is the only thing separating them from a 100-loss season. Trade a starting pitcher and we’d all be better off this summer watching American Gladiators, Buck Rodgers included. Most likely, this is nothing more than a contract-negotiating ploy by Sandberg and his agent. Then again, Sandberg is 32, he’s played in the National League East and Whitey Herzog knows him, so you never know. Luis Polonia: There’s a Butcher on the Angels’ spring roster, a pitcher named Michael. Luis is no longer alone.

Eddie (The Eagle) Edwards: If I’m CBS, I’d have traded Tim McCarver for him straight-up.