Are Ye Men or Mousse?

THE SHOW: “Studs,” 6:30 weeknights on Fox, Channel 11.

THE SETUP: Two studs-in-training take the same three babes out. After like tons of totally embarrassing date details are revealed, one or both guys are crowned Stud(s) and get to go on dream date(s) if the babes are willing (often they’re not). Mr. Congeniality, host Mark DeCarlo (pictured, wearing suit), referees and plays tastemeister when bodily function descriptions get a little too graphic or insults a little too mean.

THE STUD LOOK: Dudes! It’s no wonder those babes are opting for neither of you. Think about it. They’re blowing off free three-day cruises to Ensenada, the big prize, rather than be seen with you. Like get a clue, man.

First, there’s entirely too much mousse on that set. Give it a rest. The girls notice: “He’s got Elvis hair.” “His hair never moves.” “He’s a total gel head.” Second, there’s too much rayon being sported. Just how many times in your life are you on TV? You don’t own a suit? A $12 print shirt in rayon and jeans is the best you can do? Remember: natural fibers, natural hair. Dig?

The few dudes that opt out of the rayon-jeans combo don’t do any better. Izod shirts? Why don’t you just wear your designer sweats?

THE BABE LOOK: The women do much better in the clothes department but they’re not cutting any fashion edges. From black blazers with jeans and shoe boots, to frilly dresses and short short skirts, they are very put together even if it is a mall-hip look. The only real disaster was an interior decorator (shouldn’t she know better?) who wore a simple black dress festooned with huge yellow flowers that kept flopping all over the place.

Unfortunately, babe hair looms large. Really large and really stiff. Do they have bucket brigades slopping gel into the studio? The level of coiffure goop can not be overstated. I thought I died and went to the ‘80s. Hair products are the real winners here.

If, like, a dude’s mousse fuses with a babe’s gel is that, like, high-risk behavior or a new form of bonding?

THE EMCEE LOOK: Host Mark DeCarlo’s clothes match his job. He favors suits (mainly dark but here and there a beige or cranberry thrown in) from such non-designer sources as Oaktree and Zeidler & Zeidler. The earthy tones give him a hip but safe look that coordinate with the warm brown set.

MORE ON THE CLOTHES: During the on-air, post-date, chat-fest hair styles were up for public dissection but the clothes were rarely commented on. Bodies were brutally evaluated: “Is it a full moon or is he always this hairy.” “Slap some braces on him and he’d be perfect.”

TV TIPS: Pump up your body not your hair, wear natural fibers, if hip is beyond your ability, go for a suit . . .