Notes You Won’t See on Page 3

Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls revealed Thursday that Clyde Drexler of the Portland Trail Blazers is not as big an egomaniac “as I choose to be.”

Roy Firestone was forced to postpone his scheduled interview with Indy 500 runner-up Scott Goodyear. They were both tired.

Retired Baseball Players Who Sign Autographs For Free!!! On the next “Geraldo!”

A mortified Dodger spokesperson had “no comment” to a Times investigation that revealed that Orel Hershiser did not actually pitch Thursday night’s game against the Cincinnati Reds at Dodger Stadium. It was that darned Pepperdine kid again. Refunds remain a possibility.

Officials of the homeless San Francisco Giants reportedly have notified residents of Cleveland that, by simply paying a $2.90-a-month utility tax, the ballclub would move there and bring the Ohio city major league baseball.

George Foreman defeated Frito LeDoritos in 2 minutes 10 seconds of the first bag.

Absolutely nothing happened in the University of Nevada Las Vegas basketball program Thursday, a major newspaper reported.

San Jose residents have volunteered to pay an extra $2.90 a month if the Sharks agree to find a new tailor.

ESPN has confirmed that Chris (Pee Wee) Berman is about out of nicknames.

Tony Gwynn still leads National League batters in hit-by-Porsche.

The most feared foreign challenger for the next America’s Cup continues to be Alien3.

Nothing to those Jose Canseco-Lyn St. James running-around-together rumors, sources say.

Kirby Puckett has faxed the Chicago Cubs that he can be theirs for $7,000,000.01. No explanation was given.

Indy car officials are touting a new auto racing favorite, A.P. Louisville.

Demonstrators angrily protested this week’s decision to televise World Cup soccer games without commercials. A spokesperson said: “What about those of us who watch the commercials and go to the bathroom when the game comes on?”

Alumnus and baseball team booster Kevin Costner has begun location scouting for his new film, “Bull Fullerton.”

Darryl Strawberry and Eric Davis have been fined $5,000 apiece for thinking about coming back.

ESPN has been given special nickname clearance by Minnesota pitcher Bill (Mercury) Krueger, Milwaukee designated hitter Paul (Christian Science) Molitor and Dodger first baseman Eric Karros (Matic).

Larry Holmes once again has been warned by the World Boxing Council to refrain from spitting in the Geritol bucket.

Nolan Ryan’s arm should be good as new, the Texas Rangers reported, as soon as team trainers squirt it with that oil can.

Actor Danny DeVito is appearing on billboards all over town, portraying a Pittsburgh hockey player. The likeness to NHL goaltenders is uncanny.

Speaking of Pittsburgh, a statement has been issued from Vice President Dan Quayle clarifying his reported disapproval of the Pirate mascot. “I was misquoted,” Quayle said. “I have nothing against single parrots.”

In a candid interview with Sports Illustrated, retired tennis star Chris Evert revealed that she is fine.

Sam Smith’s second book, “The Supporting Cast Rules,” will include graphic details of Michael Jordan’s teammates’ nightmares over the possibility of being attacked in a dark alley late at night by Danny Ferry.

As part of the Bulls’ continuing effort to become “the Lakers of the ‘90s,” their general manager has had his name legally changed to Jerry Midwest.

Tensions grew over lunch in Anaheim this week, when Herschel Walker unmercifully teased Von Hayes of the Angels about being traded for only five people.

In the most disgusting development yet, the Dodgers and Cincinnati are discussing a Gross-Belcher deal.

The state of Wyoming has not been mentioned on network TV or a newspaper sports page for 1,000 consecutive days now, a U.S. record.

Track and field’s governing body this week has announced its intention to ban anybody who ever competed in track and field.

Variety and “Entertainment Tonight” are both reporting that in its first 16 weeks, “Patriot Games” will win three, lose 13.