At Midway Point, Angels at Low Point

The Real Life Major League Top 25 (Plus The Indians) hits the midseason mark.

And because of you-know-who, the Indians have moved up.

1. Toronto: The Blue Jays’ idea of pennant insurance: Jim Abbott for a box of spare parts. After Dave Winfield and Devon White? Shouldn’t the Humane Society know about this?

2. Cincinnati: Let’s try this one more time, Fred: Who got the best of the Eric Davis-Tim Belcher deal?

3. Atlanta: The NFL Falcons have offered Deion Sanders $1 million to stop playing baseball after the All-Star break. Kind of like the agreement Gene Autry and his players have had for years.

4. Minnesota: Kirby Puckett is no Jack Morris; he wants to stay. So pay him already. At last check, Puckett was hitting 80 points higher than Bobby ($6 Million Per Year) Bonilla and had 17 more RBIs than Ryne ($7 Million) Sandberg.

5. Oakland: Sixty-one home runs used to be a goal for Mark McGwire--and then Dave Stewart joined Jose Canseco on the disabled list. Now, they’re just about a requisite.

6. Baltimore: Excellent digs, but we knew that from the blueprints. The surprise is that the tenants are worthy.

7. San Diego: Tony Gwynn, Tony Fernandez, Fred McGriff, Gary Sheffield and crowds of 13,859. The Four Tops, performing nightly in the Holiday Inn lounge.

8. Pittsburgh: Last chance to cash in Bonds.

9. Chicago White Sox: Q: Can they lose Ozzie Guillen for the year and still overtake Minnesota and Oakland in the AL West? A: Shawn Abner is hitting .300. Anything is possible.

10. Texas: The night before they retired his number in Anaheim, Nolan Ryan said his main motivation to continue pitching at age 44 was the chance to play in one more World Series. Now that’s he’s unretired from the victory column, he could get there.

11. Milwaukee: The highest batting average on the team is Dante Bichette’s (.313). The lowest ERA on the team is Mike Fetters’ (0.32). In case the Angels weren’t keeping score at home.

12. St. Louis: Ozzie Smith has recovered from chicken pox and is batting .300. Now, about that pox on Andres Gallaraga . . .

13. New York Yankees: Fay Vincent is expected to reinstate George Steinbrenner next week. And things had been going so nicely.

14. New York Mets: Junior Noboa, Chico Walker and Dick Schofield, together again. Cookie Ball never died, it just moved to Flushing.

15. Chicago Cubs: Two division titles in 23 1/2 seasons as a member of the National League East. “Best interests of baseball”? Moving them sounds like it’s in the best interest of the Cubs.

16. Montreal: Why all the talk about these doubleheaders wrecking the Dodgers’ pitching staff? The Expos are the ones in a pennant race.

17. Boston: Clemens and Viola, but they can’t outhit Biola.

18. Kansas City: Take away those first 17 games and the Royals don’t look half-bad in 1992. Then again, take away those 18 minutes and Richard Nixon looked great in 1974.

19. San Francisco: Next stop is (take your pick) a) St. Petersburg; b) Sacramento; c) New Orleans; d) last place.

20. Dodgers: Next April, the Freeway Series will be played underground.

21. Detroit: Travis plays shortstop. Skeeter’s at third. Sparky’s in the dugout and Mickey’s behind the plate. Is this a major league baseball team or a truck stop in Texarkana?

22. Philadelphia: The talk shows and the sports sections have Eric Lindros, Herschel Walker and Charles Barkley to chew on. All things considered, it’s a good time to be a Phillie.

23. Houston: Reason For Drafting Phil Nevin No. 143: In 61 games for Cal State Fullerton this season, Nevin hit 22 home runs. The Astros, after 80 games, had hit 44.

24. Seattle: Repeat after Woody Woodward: “Jim Lefebvre is the problem with the Mariners.”

25. Cleveland: Why this high? OK: Sandy Alomar or John Orton? Carlos Baerga (.307) or Luis Sojo? Paul Sorrento (.270, 30 RBIs, ex-Angel, by the way) or Lee Stevens? Kenny Lofton (31 steals) or Chad Curtis? Albert Belle (17 home runs) or DH-o’-the-day? Brook Jacoby (.266, 25 RBIs) or Gary Gaetti . . .

26. Angels: Tim Salmon is batting .373. Damion Easley is batting .322. Don Barbara is batting .317. Kevin Flora is batting .311. The wrong team is in Edmonton.