COMMENTARY : The Direct Approach Works, but Would It Get a Chance Today?

Garry Wills reminds us in his new book, “Lincoln at Gettysburg,” that the Gettysburg Address has only 272 words. Yet those few words permanently changed America, if not the world. The speech is a clear case of less being not only better, but immortal.

Wills set me to counting the words of another literary marvel, Psalm 23. That religious gem, attributed to David, contains only 57 Hebrew words. But its meaning can never be exhausted.

Fortunately, neither Lincoln nor David used ghost writers, and even better, they did not employ an editorial committee to review their texts. If David had requested writing help, the editors’ notes might have looked like this:

A Psalm of David . . . Can’t use psalm. It’s a culturally elite word, too highbrow. How about chant, verse, poem or maybe, in a stretch, ode? If we polled the Israelites, 90% wouldn’t know what a psalm is. The word has got to go!

The Lord is my shepherd . . . Drop the shepherd analogy. It alienates the urban reader, and we want to reach as big an audience as possible. Throw in some buzz words. Also change Lord to something else. It’s not gender neutral. We prefer: “The Celestial Spirit provides the self-help I need to successfully make my way in a stressful society.”

I shall not want . . . Recast; Americans can’t relate. How about: “Because of my unequivocal faith, prosperity--a plethora and profusion of goods--will be mine.” It’s grabby, and it sings.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures . . . Again the pastoral thing! D. must transcend his rural background if he wants to play on a larger stage. He leadeth me beside still waters ... Too much with this nature theme. Half the readers (if they even get this far) are headed for a nap after “green pastures” and “still water.” Our own eyes are already glazing over.

He restoreth my soul . . . Borrrring! We much prefer “The First Cause of the Universe fully renews the burned-out parts of my inner self.”

He guideth me in straight paths for his name’s sake . . . A weak statement. Why not try something like: “The pathways of ethical living are broad enough for even me to follow the moral urge,” etc.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me ... This language takes the reader straight south, a real downer! Let’s get D. some psychotherapy. Did he have a traumatic experience as a boy? Did something (Goliath?) permanently frighten him? How can we sell “valley,” “shadows” and “death” to the public?

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me ... No way. This will upset the Israelite weapons control lobby.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies

Thou hast anointed my head with oil; my cup runneth over ... Too messy! People want neatness, not some guy sitting at a banquet dripping oil on the food.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life

And I shall dwell in the house of the lord forever ... We need a more convincing closing, something to make the reader come back for more of D.’s writings. Why not sponsor a contest? The Israelite who writes the winning clincher gets a free week’s stay at the beach at Jaffa.