Well, Seal Beach has no seals, either:...

Well, Seal Beach has no seals, either: Since calabazas is Spanish for “pumpkins,” Calabasas is holding a festival to honor the orangish fruit next month. Just one problem (apart from the fact that the city’s name is misspelled). Pumpkins don’t grow there anymore. The last patch off Old Topanga Canyon Road has been covered over by a tract of homes that sell for a million clams apiece.

And, so, Pumpkinville will have to import the pumpkins for the event--from Ventura County.

He’s a Crooks: In the genre of “Namephreaks” coined by Bay Area columnist Herb Caen, Joe Shea wrote to point out that Jim Crooks is the chief of the county’s criminal justice computer system. “People are always telling me it’s kind of like having the fox watching the chicken coops,” Crooks confessed.

I’ve Got You Under My Skin: Sandy Risdon, meanwhile, notes: “The Greek Theater isn’t the only place where Frank Sinatra will be operating this week.” He enclosed the Medicare Directory of Participating Physicians/Suppliers--a publication where you wouldn’t expect to find much fun reading. It lists Dr. Frank Sinatra as a specialist in gastroenterology.

Dear, I’m home: President Bush said the other day that in the search for family values, America need not “go back to the days of Ozzie of Harriet.” As we mentioned, Bush obviously realized that Ozzie didn’t appear to have a job on his television show.

Bush, however, could have mentioned any one of several other TV hubbies, all of whom were gainfully employed, including:

1. Ward Cleaver (“Leave It to Beaver”): Accountant (worked for Lumpy’s dad).

2. Dr. Alex Stone (“Donna Reed Show”): Pediatrician.

3. Ralph Kramden (“The Honeymooners”): Bus driver.

4. Howard Cunningham (“Happy Days”): Ran hardware store.

5. Fred Flintstone (“Flintstones”): Quarry worker.

6. Rob Petrie (“Dick Van Dyke Show”): Comedy writer.

7. Jim Anderson (“Father Knows Best”): Insurance agent.

8. Archie Bunker (“All in the Family”): Dock foreman for Prendergast Tool & Die Co.

9. Walter Findlay (“Maude”): Owner of Findlay’s Friendly Appliances.

10. John Robinson (“Lost in Space”): Scientist, drove spaceship.

It hasn’t scared off lobbyists: Until we figured out that the “Unsafe Building” flyer outside City Hall was transplanted from Hollywood by a prankster, we thought we’d finally discovered the reason why Mayor Bradley is on the road so much.

miscelLAny:

Three years ago this week, the city of Irwindale celebrated Mexican Independence Day by inadvertently flying Hungarian flags.