It doesn’t add up: Judging from some...

It doesn’t add up: Judging from some of the exercises in his son’s algebra book, Abe Hoffman of Reseda points out that the L.A. school district evidently “can’t afford to buy a newer or updated edition relevant to L.A. in the 1990s.”

Two of the exercises in the 1965 book are:

* “Mr. Jones got a roll of 50 pennies to use only for parking meters. If he used five pennies daily, how many days did the roll last?” (1992 answer: It depends on when he was arrested for attempting to jam pennies into a machine that doesn’t accept them.)

* “A house cost $18,200. It cost seven times as much as the lot on which it was built. What was the cost of the lot?” (1992 answer: First, does that price include cleaning up the toxic dump that previously occupied the site?)

The book might, however, serve as a valuable text in an Ancient History class.

How would Brando play it? Erika Hiramatsu wonders if an ad that ran in UCLA’s Daily Bruin recently (see photo) will attract the attention of any desperate actors.

List of the day: Speedy service guarantees for Angelenos on the run (or in a traffic jam):

* Sign at Omega Photo, Westwood: “30 minute photos.”

* Commercial for Takecare Health Plan, Woodland Hills: “We will answer most phone calls within 10 seconds.”

* Sign at Kang’s Photo Lab, L.A.: “27 minute photos.”

* Sign at Jack-in-the-Box, Long Beach: “If you are dissatisfied . . . call our Serious Service hot line. You will be put in contact with a Jack-in-the-Box executive within 60 minutes of your call.”

* Menu at Denny’s, City of Commerce: “Look for items marked with a stopwatch. These items will be served to you in 10 minutes or less--or they’re free.”

* Sign at entrance to Clifton’s Cafeteria, L.A. (sign at entrance): “It takes about 11 minutes from this point to be served and reach the cashier.”

* Sign at 21 Minute Photo Shop, L.A.: The shop, at 450 S. Western, uses its name as an advertisement. It’s the current titleholder as L.A.’s Fastest Photo Processor. Your move, Omega and Kang.

You think traffic is bad now? Imagine how much worse it would be if not for the warning signs (see photo) posted at L.A.’s city limits two decades ago. Unfortunately, figures aren’t available on just how many unsafe drivers turned around and went back where they came from.

Blame the landlord: A spokesman for United Airlines called to explain why the terminal displays that outdated portrait of Mayor Tom Bradley welcoming visitors to the 1984 Olympics.

United spokesman Alan Wayne says the picture is “up at the request of the leaseholder, the city of L.A. We’re just a little old tenant out here.”

Well, perhaps the next mayor will order his (or her) own mug hung in Bradley’s place. But what new attraction can the mayor point out to airport arrivals? Perhaps: “Welcome to the Home of 21-Minute Photos.”

MiscelLAny:

Daryl Gates, the new shock-jock at KFI-AM radio, is not the first L.A. police chief to defect to the broadcast media. Tom Reddin, one of Gates’ predecessors at Parker Center, was an anchorman/commentator on the newscast of KTLA (Channel 5) from 1969 to 1972.