Just a Few Random Thoughts

I don’t care how good the Dallas Cowboys are, they were a lot more fun when they had names like Jethro and Too Tall.

Having a Cowboy named Troy is like having a bulldog named Fluffy. . . .

I had a dream in which a TV network offered money to UCLA to start a football game at 2 o’clock.

And UCLA replied: “A.M. or P.M.?” . . .

Have any school-age children east of the Mississippi been permitted to stay up late enough to watch an entire World Series game?

CBS’s new ad campaign is: “Honey, I Can’t Watch the Game With the Kids.” . . .

Marge Schott has it backward:

You’re supposed to let your baseball players run free and keep your dogs on leashes. . . .

Four simple words of advice for the California Angels: Don’t trade Jim Abbott.

No, five words: Please don’t trade Jim Abbott. . . .

Controversy is brewing in the new Georgia Dome as to where to hang Atlanta’s World Series, Super Bowl and NBA championship banners.

Maybe a broom closet. . . .

Would it be so terrible for the Lakers to retire George Mikan’s jersey on their wall? Huh? Would it? . . .

Question about Magic Johnson everybody forgets:

On those nights he chooses not to play, can’t he play even the last couple of minutes? . . . Well, now that I’ve seen the Knicks up close, let me say this:

I’ll take the Bulls again. . . .

Portland? San Antonio? Utah? The Lakers? The Clippers? Nope, sorry.

By the time you get to Phoenix, you’ll find the Western Conference champion. . . .

I hear there’s a TV commercial starring Charles Barkley and Godzilla.

Do they identify which is which?

. . .

Ed Sprague’s hobby is solo synchronized baseball. . . .

Golly, can’t we have the Bengals and Steelers on “Monday Night Football” every week? . . . Know what I wish? I wish Deion Sanders would throw a bucket of ice water on Mike Ditka. . . . I still think Toronto should have used Rocket Ismail. . . .

Come to think of it, Mike Ditka is a bucket of ice water. . . .

Whenever I wonder if New England could defeat Miami, what I really mean is, the University of. . . .

No, six words: Pretty please, don’t trade Jim Abbott. . . .

I figure the best way to get even with Canada is to have a Stanley Cup in Tampa. . . .

Mario Lemieux’s new contract gives the Pittsburgh Penguins the exclusive rights to market his image.

Michael Jordan’s next contract will give the Chicago Bulls permission to play basketball on nights he’s available. . . .

They will plant grass inside the Pontiac, Mich., Silverdome for the United States’ opening game of the 1994 World Cup. Man, these soccer people still don’t get it, do they?

Artificial turf would help soccer. . . .

The nice “American Gladiators” people keep sending me stuff in the mail. They must be confused.

This is the sports department. . . .

Cleveland Gary continues to be the greatest athlete in America named after two major cities. . . .

Atlanta people at least can look forward to Lewis Grizzard’s new book: “How to Write Good.” . . .

Attention, media: Jack McDowell is “Black Jack,” not Jack Morris. . . .

If Toronto met Montreal in a World Series, would CBS even bother? . . .

Instead of McDonough, McCarver and O’Brien, they’d probably hire three French guys. . . .

Am I the only person alive who still thinks the Dodgers should sign Ozzie Smith? . . .

Jari Kurri and Paul Coffey won with hockey teams without Wayne Gretzky’s help. Maybe they can do it again. . . .

When the credits rolled on Agatha Christie’s “Ten Little Indians” the other day on Cinemax, the assistant director was “Barrie Melrose.” . . .

A big deal was made of Woody Allen and Diane Keaton attending a hockey game together at Madison Square Garden. Maybe they just were doing research on a hockey movie they’re making.

“Annie Hull.” . . .

Question: Who’s the largest baseball player in Canada?

Answer: John Candy Maldonado.