REPORT CARD / T.J. SIMERS : Cold Cuts

B+: QUARTERBACKS

Atlanta Coach Jerry Glanville had to be restrained from taking poke at Billy Joe Tolliver Sunday. Insiders say it started when Glanville told Tolliver: “I left tickets for Stan Humphries and you showed up.” Tolliver’s reply: “Jerry, Elvis is dead.”

D: RUNNING BACKS

On Chargers’ winning drive Marion Butts acted like a man who had been told he would have to live in Cleveland forever if he didn’t start gaining some ground. It must be Cleveland: Ronnie Harmon fumbles twice.

A: RECEIVERS

Shawn Jefferson catches a touchdown pass and Gerry Faust once coached at Notre Dame. A year ago Anthony Miller can’t catch and now he’s one of best receivers in the game. Alex, those off-season hand transplants were worth every cent.

B+: OFFENSIVE LINE

It’s a Wonderful Life. A snowy tale about Harry Swayne and Broderick Thompson, two offensive linemen who get to see what life is all about when they don’t block in the first half of a football game. Friends rally around them in second half.

A: DEFENSIVE LINE

Which would you rather try? Stopping Shaquille O’Neal on a breakaway or blocking Leslie O’Neal one-on-one? Browns left tackle Tony Jones has answer: He announces switch to basketball after Sunday encounter with Leslie. Blaise Winter’s hot and cold.

A: LINEBACKERS

Junior Seau grows up in Oceanside, goes to USC and plays in the snow in his short sleeves. You want to tell him that’s not cool? Steve Hendrickson wears short sleeves, too, but he wouldn’t wear a helmet if they didn’t make him.

B: DEFENSIVE BACKS

Defensive backs: B--Iceland glacier is 2-1 pick in upcoming match race with Darren Carrington. Gill Byrd takes five hour plane ride home after being beat by Michael Jackson for touchdown only to find: “The Jacksons: An American Dream,” on TV. Donald Frank does not throw snowball--pressbox is just too far away.

C+: SPECIAL TEAMS

Watching John Kidd try to field that snap from center on John Carney’s aborted field-goal attempt brings to mind Kurt Stillwell playing shortstop this season for the Padres.

A: COACHING

As president of the Bobby Ross Fan Club, it should be pointed out there was never a doubt. Will Tampa Bay just formally forfeit, or will they go ahead and make the vacation trip to San Diego this week?