A Little Book Learning

Your Social Climes staff has recently been invited to more book signings than the president of Random House goes to in a decade. Did anyone not write a book this year? Did any authors not agree to sit behind the counter at Book Soup scribbling signatures?

We surveyed some writers to find out what to do when the masterpiece is finished and the white wine flows. So should you be writing your own tome, here is their advice:

- “Ask people how they spell their names so you get it right and don’t have to buy the book back. You’ll learn a lot of different ways to spell Vivian.”

- “When you’re signing a book, you can learn which of your friends are newly separated. You ask, ‘Should I inscribe it to John and Jane?’ and she says, ‘No, just Jane.’ ”

- “Authors have long memories. We remember the ones who don’t come to the signing. You don’t have to stay long, but you better show your face.”

- “Don’t write anything too personal (in the inscription). It’ll come back to haunt you when the book ends up on the remainder pile a year later.”

- “The biggest problem is people you barely know engage you in endless conversation while your friends are waiting in line. Ask them if they need any more copies signed. That usually gets them moving.”

- “Impulse buys are the cornerstone of literature. Elizabeth Montgomery came in and asked me a question about Calvin and Hobbes. I said, ‘I really can’t help you with that. I’m here to sign my book.’ And she bought four copies.”

- “You’ll never be able to compete with Anne Rice. I saw the line for her signing in Century City and it was longer than the line waiting for the movies. It would take the strength of the undead to sign that many books.”

Just the Fax, Ma’am

When Hollywood does lunch, it can be a social ritual that falls somewhere between amusement and horror. The latest variation we heard is from someone we know in the restaurant business. It involved an actor on the way to have lunch with his agent. When the actor’s car phone rang, it was the agent’s assistant asking if he had a fax machine.

“Not in the car,” said the actor. “Why?”

It was then explained that the agent wanted the restaurant’s menu faxed to the actor so he could decide what to order before he arrived, thus saving the agent those valuable minutes the actor might waste reading in his presence.

Yes, Hollywood really is another universe.

Milestones in Travel

Do you find that frequent flier miles are just not enough of a reward for all that transcontinental shlepping you do? Now there’s something new to strive for--the Hilton HHonors Frequent Traveler Hall of Fame. The first 15 members include Joanna Strohn of Ohio, who amassed 16,000 miles on a 48-state U.S. road trip on her motorcycle to raise money for the Children’s Health Fund. Other 1992 inductees are the killer bees, who are flying north at a rate of 300 miles per year; Clinton-Gore bus drivers (“the unsung heroes of the campaign”), and the Energizer Bunny.

Achieving “legend” status are Moses, graffiti character Kilroy, Christopher Columbus, Amelia Earhart and Elvis--the Weekly World News has him turning up everywhere.