Mardi bras?You may have heard of the...

Mardi bras?You may have heard of the controversy over the life-sized cutouts of three bare-breasted women lurking on the balcony of Orleans restaurant in West L.A.

They were placed there to celebrate the outrageousness of Mardi Gras (Feb. 23). Some neighbors want them covered up but the gendarmes admit the wenches are not obscene.

Artist Peter Walker, who created the work, complained: “There are probably people out there who would say of the Venus de Milo, ‘What you’ve got here is a naked amputee.’ ”

Restaurant owner Mary Atkinson was pretty much resigned to putting pasties on the lasses but she has heard from “so many people saying, ‘Don’t do it! Don’t do it!’ in the last few days that she will hold a forum with neighbors next Wednesday at the eatery.

“We’ll have a child psychologist there--some parents worry about their children seeing them (the cutouts)--along with an artist, a lawyer and an architect,” Atkinson said. Afterward, the spectators will vote on what to do about the breasts.

Orleans, meanwhile, added another cutout to its display Wednesday--a completely unclothed cow. The animal is a Mardi Gras symbol.

“It is eight feet tall,” said Barbara Elliot, Atkinson’s assistant, “and it has a big udder.”

What me worry, mate?Bloody right! Regarding our recent studies of Alfred E. Neuman, author Frank Jacobs of Burbank notes that the big-eared lad’s shining countenance has been compared to that of members of royalty, not just commoners such as ABC’s Ted Koppel and NBC/CBS’ David Letterman.

In 1958, Mad magazine ran a photo of Prince Charles, then 9, and opined that he was Alfred’s double, Jacobs recounted in his book, “The Mad World of William M. Gaines.”

A few weeks later, Mad received a note in a child’s handwriting on the royal family’s stationery. It bore a London postmark and was subsequently found to have been mailed “within walking distance of Buckingham Palace.”

It said: “Dear Sirs: No it isn’t a bit--not the least little bit like me, so jolly well stow it! See!”

It was signed “Charles P.” (the P. standing for Princeps, which is Latin for prince).

Of course, the way Charles’ fortunes have fallen lately, if the comparison were made today, then Alfred E. Neuman might finally start worrying.

Are you listening, Guinness?Stuart Lerner of Santa Monica believes the record for “Longest Standing Billboard After Movie Has Closed” must go to the ad for “Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man,” which sits majestically atop the Pathe building on San Vicente Boulevard.

The billboard says, “Coming in August”--that was August of 1991, when the Don Johnson-Mickey Rourke dud opened. “Harley Davidson . . . “ disappeared from sight everywhere else soon afterward.

Don’t know much about geography: You may recall the Mary Kay Cosmetics map we published, which showed Riverside and Anaheim in the Bay Area while San Jose was in Southern California. Doane Liu of Palos Verdes--isn’t that close to San Jose?--noticed it also mistakenly placed Baltimore north of both Pittsburgh and Philadelphia and put South Bend west of Chicago. Truly, a map in need of a makeover.

miscelLAny:

A 19th-Century map of Beverly Hills indicates that part of the city was once called Santa Maria. No evidence that part of it was called San Jose, though.