Move Over, Marge: Schottzie 02 Joins Owner in Baseball Doghouse

First, major league baseball banned Marge Schott, owner of the Cincinnati Reds, for using racial and ethnic slurs.

Now, Schottzie 02 has been banned.

The Reds got the word a few days ago from Bud Selig, chairman of baseball’s executive committee, and National League president Bill White that Schottzie 02 would no longer be allowed on the playing field.

“The executive council did not think it was appropriate,” spokesman Rich Levin said. “There were numerous complaints from the players about dogs running around on the field.”

Said attorney Robert Bennett, who represents Schott: “I’m really glad major league baseball is focusing on the major issues of the day.

“We’re currently studying the case law, and we think there is a way Schottzie 02 can get on the field. We understand the San Diego chicken is really a man in a chicken suit. So, I think if we can get Schottzie in a chicken suit, he may be able to go on the field.”

Schottzie 02’s legal team apparently saw this coming. A letter to baseball’s attorney, Robert J. Kheel, reportedly stated:

“Moreover, to the best of my knowledge, Schottzie 02 himself has never used racially or ethnically offensive language. If you are aware of any accusers, please bring them to my attention as soon as possible. I would, however, caution the Council to be wary of any claims made by cats. They are notorious prevaricators.”