Flashing o’ the green: A veteran lobbyist,...

Flashing o’ the green: A veteran lobbyist, who forgot to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day, made up for the oversight once he had seated himself in L.A.’s City Council chamber. He replaced his pocket handkerchief with a green piece of paper: a $20 bill.

Gidget would punch this guy out: If you want to swim at the best beach in America, take a plunge into the water at Redondo. And start swimming west. You have more than 2,500 miles to go to find it: Kapalua Beach in Maui.

So says Stephen Leatherman of the University of Maryland’s Laboratory for Coastal Research. Leatherman has ranked 650 beaches in the nation on the basis of 50 criteria, ranging from ocean-water quality and temperature to trash and doggie-do on the sand. And he is not a big fan of Southern California’s coastline.

Santa Barbara has the highest-ranked beach--at No. 70--and Huntington Beach, the self-styled Surf City, comes in at No. 113. “I have a cousin who lives there,” Leatherman said of the latter. “He’ll probably be upset.”

Among L.A.-area spots, Zuma is highest at No. 199. And Malibu is just 335th. Doesn’t “Beach Blanket Bingo” count for anything?

“I have (Southern California) people tell me, ‘But we have more bikinis per square foot than anybody.’ And, ‘How about the beach volleyball?’ Those aren’t factors, though.” Some scientist.

Santa Monica isn’t even included among the 650--no doubt because it’s closed so often due to pollution problems.

List of the Day: Leatherman’s national ranking of local beaches (No. 1 being best):

70--Santa Barbara

113--Huntington Beach

185--Carpinteria

199--Zuma

266--Venice

279--Manhattan

334-Corona del Mar

335--North Malibu Coast

372--Malibu Surfride

380--Redondo

499--Long Beach

578--Laguna

Bilingual porker: Micheal Sendlewski of L.A. saw a sign that said:

Lost Pig.

Cochino Perdido .

Stranger than fiction: Paul Cate terms his photo collection “reality in La-La land”--Clark Kent’s girlfriend is honored in San Pedro, Dorothy and Toto’s favorite street is in Rancho Palos Verdes and Big Bird hangs out near Carson.

miscelLAny:

Since there’ve been no world championship celebrations for local sports teams in years--and none seem likely for a while--you might wonder: What use is the City Hall’s south lawn? Well, someone has an answer. Rene Taylor and Allie Mijares, employees of the city’s General Services Department, have received permission to be married there May 1.