Everything You Need to Know About Everyone in First Round

Running down the first round of the NFL draft:

New England chose quarterback Drew Bledsoe of Washington State, which should fill one of the Patriots’ needs. Their other needs are at tailback, fullback, wide receiver, tight end, offensive tackle, defensive tackle, defensive end, center, safety, cornerback, linebacker, kicker, season-ticket sales, customer relations and preparing Bill Parcells for the first pick of the 1994 draft.

Seattle also took a quarterback, Rick Mirer of Notre Dame, who will discover quickly that when it comes to playing football, the Seahawks almost certainly could defeat Notre Dame six out of 10.

Desperately seeking running back Garrison Hearst of Georgia, Phoenix gave away Johnny Johnson to move up one notch in the draft. Good thing it wasn’t two notches, or the Cardinals might have thrown in their quarterback.

With their fans waving banners reading “Marvelous Marvin,” the New York Jets did indeed lay claim to linebacker Marvin (Shadetree) Jones of Florida State, who now has only two problems--one, being marvelous enough for New York’s fans, and two, finding a shadetree in New Jersey.

Cincinnati and Tampa Bay dipped into the University of Alabama’s defense for, respectively, John Copeland and Eric Curry--neither of whom, sadly, will ever win another football championship.

Curtis Conway from USC brings a new element, speed, to Chicago, to go along with the other new element in Chicago, a sufferable coach.

Expect fans of New Orleans to become junkyard dogs in cheering for offensive tackle Willie Roaf from Louisiana Tech, whose surname can be spoken or barked.

Lincoln Kennedy, the jumbo offensive tackle for Atlanta drafted from Washington, will be the biggest thing to hit town until the 1996 Summer Olympics sumo competition.

Not since Monty Hall offered Door No. 1, Door No. 2 and Door No. 3 to studio contestants has anyone offered as many deals as the Rams apparently did before drafting fullback Jerome Bettis of Notre Dame. I already can hear the jokes--his principal duties will be recovering the tailback’s fumbles. Wrong. Jerome Bettis is one fine football player. He can run, he can block, he can catch and he is a catch.

Football factory Toledo sent defensive end Dan Williams to Denver, which within a year or two will be known as a baseball town.

The Raiders got a lot. Patrick Bates of Texas A&M; is younger than Ronnie Lott, larger than Ronnie Lott, stronger than Ronnie Lott and is coming to a team that already had enough “wise old veterans” to fill an American Legion hall. The Raiders didn’t need another leader; the Raiders needed another hitter. Bates will still be hitting when Lott is being inducted at Canton.

An offensive guard, Brad Hopkins of Illinois, now joins Houston. Now that should keep the Oilers from blowing those big leads at Buffalo, don’t you think?

Cleveland opted for center Steve Everitt of Michigan. Steve has been snapping to a quarterback named Elvis. Now he’s going to the home of the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame. Steve must be a pretty hip cat.

Linebacker Willie Simmons of Clemson will sign with Green Bay if the First National Bank of Reggie has any money left.

As sure-handed a receiver as I’ve seen in years, Sean Dawkins of California, lasted this long, so color Indianapolis lucky.

Washington took defensive back Tom Carter and New Orleans grabbed tight end Irv Smith shortly before Notre Dame ran out of players.

Ernest Dye, offensive tackle out of South Carolina, will accompany Hearst to camp at Phoenix, where at 337 pounds Ernest should certainly perspire.

Philadelphia, too, took an offensive lineman, Lester Holmes of Jackson State, which should make fans there forget all about Reggie White for the remainder of this minute.

The coaching staff’s problem with running back Robert Smith of Ohio State once he gets to Minnesota will be getting him to leave meetings and stop studying his playbook. The kid lives in class.

In San Diego, the choice was obvious--defensive back Darrien Gordon of Stanford. This choice also was obvious in Palo Alto, though nowhere else along the West Coast.

Colorado put defensive back Deon Figures and lineman Leonard Renfro on a Pennsylvania choo-choo, one to Pittsburgh, the other to Philadelphia. Both are so short, they could share the same upper berth.

Miami got wide receiver O.J. McDuffie of Penn State even though Miami needs another receiver like Dan Marino needs another pair of winter gloves.

When you can have Dana Stubblefield, defensive lineman from Kansas, or Todd Kelly, defensive end from Tennessee, as San Francisco now does, who needs Joe Montana, quarterback from Heaven?

Buffalo chose Thomas Smith, cornerback, North Carolina, not even listed Sunday among the top seven defensive backs in the draft by the Charlotte (N.C.) Observer in his home state.

And Green Bay, the team that once drafted Tony Mandarich over Barry and Deion Sanders, closed out the first round by picking defensive back George Teague of Alabama, virtually ending Dallas’ chances of repeating in Super Bowl XXVIII.