Helping Kids Who Witnessed Crash : Feelings of Fear, Shock May Last for Months; Experts Say Free Expression of Feelings Is Best Way to Cope

The thousands of children who witnessed the fiery crash Sunday at the El Toro Air Show may be talking for months about how scared they were--and that is perfectly healthy, experts in child behavior say.

Parents who try to minimize the tragedy may prompt children to bury their feelings, counselors said, and that could cause children difficulty in later life. Those suppressed emotions also could reappear in nightmares or bed wetting.

“For parents to encourage their kids to hold their feelings back would convey the message that it is not OK to talk about hurtful and painful feelings, and that promotes an atmosphere in which kids can’t talk about things that bother them,” said Carl Shubs, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles specializing in post-traumatic stress.

“As much as possible, encourage the kids to talk about what they saw, what happened and how they felt about it. They can draw it and possibly write a story about it,” Shubs said.

Parents probably also were shocked and frightened by the crash, he said, and it is important for the kids to see “how mom and dad deal with the shock and fear. . . . The more you are able to express it, the easier it is to get through it.”

Jacqueline Hamilton, a nurse in charge of the crisis stabilization unit at College Hospital in Costa Mesa, advised parents to give their children an extra dose of “warmth and tenderness and care” over the next couple days.

“At this time of crisis, they need to feel very protected by their parents so they are not more traumatized by the experience,” Hamilton said.

Children who are upset by the crash, she said, may become withdrawn or troubled in their sleep. “If they wake with nightmares, be there for them until they quiet down,” she said.

While children see a lot of violence and death on television and in the movies, counselors said an eyewitness experience adds another horrifying dimension--the terrified cries and screams of adults.

“Children under 7 won’t comprehend death. The greater trauma they feel will be the reaction of their parents and other adults around them,” said Mark Burns, a marriage, family and child counselor in San Juan Capistrano.

The fear could resurface in the future when the child or a close family member is preparing to travel by plane or simply when a plane passes overhead.

“Every time they see a plane, they may be waiting for it to crash,” Burns said.

To avoid this fear of flying, Burns and other counselors suggest that parents help the children put the accident in perspective. One way is to point out the relatively good safety record of air travel.

“Don’t belittle the tragedy of it. But explain that it doesn’t happen all the time,” Burns said. “Take them to John Wayne (Airport) and let them see the planes coming and going and show that it is perfectly safe.”

Child experts observed that eventually children have to learn the harder facts of life, and tragedies such as Sunday’s crash present an opportunity for parents to be teachers.

“At some point, there will be some tragedy the kids will see that will make them realize that this is part of life, and I don’t think it is really within our control to orchestrate when that event will happen,” said Douglas McKenzie, pastor of Harbor Christian Fellowship in Costa Mesa. McKenzie said one way his family faces tragedies is to pray about them.

While child experts say it is normal for children to be shocked by unexpected calamities, they caution that some children, especially those with other anxieties in their lives, may need professional guidance.

The Orange County Red Cross will staff a hot line of professional counselors Monday from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. to assist anyone who witnessed the crash and also to arrange for individual or group counseling. The hot line number is (714) 835-5381.